Local News

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT A local 29 year old man has reportedly found himself in a situation where he is nodding along to a deep discussion about literature despite his favourite book still being Guinness World Records 2007. Damian Carter (29) originally went into the date reminding himself that he wasn't going to make the mistake he always makes and get himself stuck...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTA local man has reportedly been using a display picture on multiple dating apps of himself with a dog, for longer than the  actual lifespan of the dog in said photo. Michael Spring(35) was an early adopter of the popular dating app Tinder back in 2014, he believes he may have been one of the first men to discover...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT Local office I.T guy, Mathew Bradfield (38), has reportedly had a deep yearning for the years where girls he vaguely knew would ask him if they could download their favourite movies. Mathew, who is unsurprisingly a huge fan of The Matrix, says that this era made it feel like he was Neo dealing out those mysterious USB sticks like...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTAnnie Chesterton (28) a Betoota French Quarter native, has reportedly gone on another rant about the perils of gentrification while forgetting to mention that it was her parents that started the gentrification. Annie, a mature age uni student from the French quarter yearns for the old days when the inner city still had its edgy side and these gentrifiers...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Member for New England, Barnaby Joyce, has added a parcel of good country to his vast property portfolio this week as he looks to secure a spread out near Lithgow, in the New South Wales depression belt. Mr Joyce told The Advocate he's always looking for bargains and good investments and saw the unrelenting spread...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactBIT OF BONDI MASOCHISM: In some interesting news from the science department at The Betoota Polytechnic University, It can be confirmed that the elevated mood many people report feeling after getting out of an ice bath is simply the body being relieved it’s no longer submerged in ice! Speaking to a few students involved in the study, The Advocate...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactCSIRO has today released images of what Hunter Valley wine will look like in ten years should Peter Dutton become Prime Minister, sending shockwaves amongst middle class women and retirees across the nation.  During an impromptu Coalition party room meeting on Wednesday, Peter Dutton revealed plans to build nuclear power plants at the sites of former coal power plants,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A fledgling Betootacone Valley tech start-up has received a conference call this morning from some guy in the US office and despite speaking a lot, he didn't really say much. Tickiback, an e-commerce native website plug-in that creates new customer leads from organic and sponsored traffic in a genuine way using AI and human expertise,...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Queensland expat who promised herself she’d finally become one of those stylish coat wearing women you see on Pinterest has this week conceded defeat, by going back to her faithful puffer jacket, which is by far, the warmest item of clothing she owns. Despite having bought a series of well fitted blazers, jackets and a Penny Lane style...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A French Quarter resident has asked the Australian Human Rights Commission to force a local cafe to apologise for serving him a tepid coffee, claiming it's discriminatory against the elderly. The complaint centres on the barista at the Pisse Dans Ma Poche Cafe on Rue de Branlette acknowledging that Raymond Baker, an 83-year-old retiree, ordered...