Local News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local chippy has today shown a blatant disregard for the law while asserting himself as the alpha of all motorists currently waiting for the lights in the Betoota Ponds junction. 32-year-old Tom Tripp says he wasn't that sure if his most recent load of plasterboard was 100% tied down, while making a run back from Mitre 10. Without a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Retired Betoota cattleman, Ambrose Corones (73) has stopped just short of accusing Netflix of false advertising today, after watching 125 minutes of the 2019 film 'Roma' without seeing one reference to Artie Beetson. Ambrose says this is the thing with the internet, you never know what you are going to get, and last night's confusion would attest to this. The...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The freshly restocked toiletries in a local sharehouse bathroom has suggested that the safe, slovenly, space may soon be infiltrated by nice smelling perfume and shoes that make noise on the floorboards. With a new bar of Imperial Leather soap, so new that it still has corners, and a fresh role of toilet paper that has obviously been purchased...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local pen pusher at a firm in Betoota's Old City District almost reached a significant milestone today. The young man named Ben Shillton nearly managed to make it through the slow Monday morning period without mentioning that fact that he has recently started the Keto diet. However, the man who made a point of letting everyone know he...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A lecturer at the Betoota University in the town's Old City District has been caught off guard today. This comes after the law lecturer was rattled by laughter from the crowd of students he was taking through some course material. Acker Demic (69) was left speechless this afternoon after realising that he had made the 30% of the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local pool shark at one of Betoota's prominent late night dive bars is more than happy to discuss vapes with complete strangers at great length, it has been confirmed. After encountering the usual "you got nicotine in that thing?" from some punter's in the smoking area of the Lord Kidman Hotel in inner-Betoota, local IT specialist Glenn Glenmore...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Commuters heading to work in Betoota’s Old City district this morning reported seeing the world's least motivated pair of eyes, attached to the face of the local traffic controller who it is fair to say, is running a bit slow today. Enjoying the twin joys of starting the work week and being a pedestrian amongst road work, it was...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A remote Aboriginal radio station deep within the Diamantina Shire has called an emergency meeting with all executive staff members this morning, after losing 40% of their listenership between the 9am and 10 am news breaks. This comes after DEADLY FM 98.5 shocked their loyal fan base with an unprecedented twenty minute break between Troy Cassar-Daley songs. Listen to The...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Sitting at a trendy French quarter cafe, Leslie Antwerp has found herself questioning her boyfriend’s love and desire for her after catching him staring longingly at one particular part of the menu.  It’s been confirmed that Timbo, her boyfriend, had been locking eyes with the sides on the menu, specifically what’s best described as a perfectly golden combination of...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Known for terrorising a suburban neighbourhood over a six-year period and looking dapper while doing it, local serial killer Norman Tyler (35) is certain he’s handsome enough to be worthy of a podcast. According to Tyler, his MO isn’t the most interesting to the desensitised masses of true crime podcast listeners and unfortunately for him, his childhood was tragically...