Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Earlier this week residents of a French Quarter share house experienced the rare phenomenon of having a maintenance request answered. It appears the residents may have celebrated too soon as their landlord, former accountant Geronimo Shah (68), says there is no need to involve contractors or the council, as he should be able to take care of the...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A local cheapskate has peaked in life today after being invited into a corporate box at the Betoota Cricket Ground. He shared the news with his Instagram followers by uploading a story consisting of a close up shot of a crisp schooner on a table, with the rest of the grandstand and pitch slightly out of focus in...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact “Mate, I can swim way faster than you!” Bryan Maison skited to his clearly fitter friend. “On what planet?” laughed Joel Addington. “What makes you think that you’re a better swimmer than me?” asked Joel. “In primary school I was age-champion for swimming every single year, I was so fast people thought I had gills and flippers!” It’s believed that Joel was...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A recent report looking what the world’s sweatiest thing is has revealed that something in Australia has taken out the prized number one spot – even ahead of a taxi driver in an ’89 Camry driving through Texas with the windows up and no air-con. In what can only be described as a great honour for Queenslanders, the report...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local site manager responsible for overseeing the never-ending construction of Betoota's light rail has today flexed on his subordinates with a sparkling clean pair of corporate-friendly work boots. William Rogerson (38) says it's about time these dumb tradies learn that he used to be one of them, before his basic management skills and punctuality landed him in the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Summer school is coming to an end at South Betoota Polytechnic College which means exams have already started. For the four score and three students who made the decision to fuck their last term of study up by having too many bamboo schooners when they should've either been in class or doing homework, the summer...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local bartender has today indicated that he thinks he is far too important to share his personal space with another shift worker. After booking a ride home after a few afternoon beers with coworkers at the pub they all work at, Todd Comino (22) has opted to spend big and book a 2012 Hyundai Accent Sport 1.6...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Lisa Hughes (37) reached dizzying heights of busy today, as the ambiguously titled Office Administrator ate lunch at her desk, something she hopes her co-workers will take notice of. At approximately 12 pm today, Hughes was seen heating her lunch up in the office microwave, muttering to herself about all the things she has to do, before walking...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Oh God, what has she done now?" he said. The third push notification of the morning appeared on Justin Rawlin's phone and it sent a shiver down his spine. "It used to give me butterflies he said - once upon a time," "Now it just fills me with anxiety knowing that people on my Facebook, some of which...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Productivity has plummeted even further at a firm in the Old City District today thanks to a run of the mill afternoon shower. Despite the fact that pretty much everyone has stopped turning up to work, Celia Ho unfortunately still has a couple of meetings and jobs she needs to finish before the Christmas break. The Accounts Manager at a firm in...