Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "It's just that your fucking aunt and uncle eat so much, I don't know how much to cook," she said. "That and they'll probably be Grant Hackett wheelchair drunk by the time the turkey comes out of the oven and they won't even taste it! God! Why does it always feel like it's my turn...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact A local cleanskin has today found himself having to lie to his tattooed co-worker after the co-worker shoved a weeping chest in his face saying, ‘look at my new ink, isn’t it cool?’ Luckily for Mike Ropesly, the cleanskin, he was quick-witted and able to think on his feet, summoning a supportive response in 0.43...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact “You guys just don’t fucking understand!” “I have got 3 exams in one week!” “There’s no way I can study for all these exams at once!” Those are the pathetic cries of current year 12 student, Danika Fernly. Danika, like many other year-12 students before her, is under the illusion that she is the first person...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Last night at the Betoota Bowery Ballroom, a local live music enthusiast stood in awe as Taxiride played a smorgasbord of their classic hits - as well as their tasteful and experimental new stuff. As Emma Hall bobbed her head and clicked her fingers to the beat, she paused and thought that the second emergence...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local man is facing stinging criticism today after his attempts at trying to resolve conflict at a local train station yesterday. The 33-year-old man named Chris Koslch, unlike many other men, doesn’t adhere to the oft-touted theorem of toxic masculinity. So he didn’t attempt to resolve the conflict by threatening to knock the other bloke out and entering into...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the gentle guitar strums in the intro to Tom Petty's 1991 classic, Learning to Fly, guide Glenn Jordan down the supermarket aisles this afternoon, it's clear to him that he needs to do some learning of his own. Speaking exclusively to The Advocate today, the 34-year-old said he needs to learn how to love himself...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The literary world has been rocked by news that a young local man has successfully fallen asleep while resting his eyes as he read Matthew Reilly's 2003 bestseller Scarecrow. Dylan Harrison, a Betoota Heights leasing agent, is currently reading 462-page high-octane novel for the fourth time and is being touted as the first person in human history...

JAMIE HOTTAKE | Celeb | Contact Woah! Look out Australia! Meghan Markle, The Duchess of Sussex, is pregnant and the entire world is collectively chuffed for her! As scores of displaced refugee children continue to die a slow, undignified and painful death at the hands of the Australian Parliament at their beachside concentration camp on Nauru, the visiting Royals are stealing our...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "But it's so transparent and free," he said. There was a pause. It was late and Michael Rust, a Betoota Grove private asset manager was tired. "Who gives a shit? And why would we want that? So governments and poor people can see what we're doing? So the financial systems around the world become fairer? Who in their...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Drowning in debt, going bald from stress but glad to finally have a job in the industry, a bright-eyed and freshly qualified teacher told The Advocate this morning that she's really been enjoying her first year in primary education. Sandy Greenwich's group certificate has been sitting by the disconnected landline in her Betoota Heights sharehouse...