Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local remora fish has told coworkers today that he largely ignores the 'No Junk Mail' signs on area letterboxes when he does a flyer drop because he knows they don't mean him. Darcy Tuckwell, of LJ Hooker Betoota Heights, said he still drops his upcoming sale flyers into mailboxes that explicitly ask him not...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "You're a fucking idiot, mate," he wrote. "The only reason why we evolved to the point we are at is because fucking monkeys came down out of the trees and started eating meat. Being vegan doesn't make any sense and science is on my side," "Vegans are fucking losers." From time to time, Will Proctor puts aside...

Louis Burke | Culture | Contact Former smoker Ashley Hayes (36) is sharing his secret to quitting smoking, claiming that all you need to do is replace smoking cigarettes with talking about how strong your willpower is. After a treacherous 20-months of social smoking, Hayes decided to stub a bummed cigarette for the last time in favour of letting his friends...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local traveller was kicking himself today. Brandon Smith, a 32-year-old plumber heading back home to Betoota this weekend was waiting politely at the baggage carousel for his luggage to emerge this morning. However, after scrolling mindlessly through his feed of Instagram influencers, the Brisbane based tradie realised that he had completely missed his baggage. Running over to the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A promotion last year to senior network engineer came with an increase in his pay packet - enough to finally break the bonds of the sharehouse lifestyle. "I thought then that I finally had my shit together," said Bruce Coleman. "My own kitchen, my own living room. A place to call my own. Finally, I was an adult. I even...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As our town is among those further from the sea in this country, the local purchase of saltwater seafood is often a gamble. Despite the assurances from both Coles and Woolworths, the fact that no local fishmonger stocks any saltwater seafood is enough to deter even the most iron-gutted local. Enter Oscar Harris. It's half past five...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Mates," prefaced Darcy Tuckwell. "You should see what it's like behind the scenes. None of the people you see on television do any of the work. They're basically actors." The 27-year-old Betoota Heights carpenter took another sip of his Carlton-Mid while the mates he was telling the story to digested the first part of the tale. In the hours after knock-off,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Ah yes. That should do it," he said. "Hasta la vista, El Nino. Nice knowing you. Hopefully, your sister turns up before Christmas!" Local grazier John Pooley watched as the b-double of round bales disappeared over the horizon in a plume of auburn dust. It left behind a hearty round bale of lucerne hay, kindly donated by an...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As mortgage stress and tumbling property prices begin to increase for millions of Australian families, one local homeowner has breathed a sigh of relief as his lender today announced they would not be passing on the interest rate hike. The Bank Of Mum And Dad (BMD), a popular lender among our town's well-heeled upper-middle-class, announced...

SAM FLEET | Food | Contact Complete with his and hers pre-dinner drinks, a plate of home-made appetisers greeted Glenn Miller as he walked in the door of his Betoota Heights home this evening after what was another painful day alive. The 38-year-old IT professional poured himself through the front door and was greeted with the warm scent of John West smoked...