Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "I need a rim job," he said. "Can I get one here?" Even the spare space-saving tyre in the boot of Darcy Mulligan's late model Infinity Q50 has been scuffed beyond roadworthiness. According to friends, the 28-year-old is living proof that a high income cannot buy you spatial awareness and the ability to operate a motor vehicle...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | CONTACT Sophie Yilmaz’s pre-holiday excitement took a hit today after she dusted off her 8-year-old passport and it fell open at the well-worn identification page.  Staring back at Sophie was a shadow of her current self; a red-haired, side fringe sporting, black eyeliner wearing, emo version of herself – to be exact.  “What the hell was I thinking?” She asked herself.  “Who...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | CONTACT “Bonjourno,” said Charlotte Simpson-Smith, an Anglo-Saxon Betoota heights woman who just returned back from a two-week stint on the Amalfi Coast, in case you couldn’t already tell.  Charlotte was greeting the half-Italian waiter at one of Betoota’s family-owned Italian restaurants in the French Quarter. “Ah Grazie Bella, parli Italiano?” questioned the waiter, Fabio, in fluent Italian.   Unable to understand...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Ben Ashton's recent altercations with a telecommunications company have forced his hand when deciding whether to answer the phone or not. The 32-year-old from Betoota's French Quarter is in the midst of a long-running battle with his previous telephone provider over money. Feeling fleeced by the large multinational for excess data charges, Ashton decided to change providers and refuse to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The National Party of Australia has today asked a big question of its political ally and longtime friend. That question was, "Are you fucking done now?" The Nats asked the question after one of the most calamitous weeks in Australian political history, whereby a bunch of individuals put their egos and personalities ahead of the interests of the nation. After days...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact John-Michael Tanbar's lips have been sealed to Berlin's bosom for nearly a year now and he told The Advocate that he's never been happier. The German happy-go-lucky sensibilities and their blasé, liberal attitude toward pretty much everything was just what the 27-year-old ceramic artist was looking for. But there was always a small part of him...

Louis Burke | Culture | Contact Sales representative and former crypto-enthusiast Chris Porter (28) recently cut out the middleman and donated his tax return directly to online bookies in a genius move set to maximise his time. Receiving a tax return of $645, or roughly one and a half pairs of RM Williams, Porter opted to save the heartbreak of watching...

Louis Burke | Culture | Contact Former call centre employee Charlie Roper (32) has taken to social media to announce she is now accepting her first clients as a professional life coach, despite the fact she is the last person you’d ever take advice from. As a high school graduate, Roper recently added to her credentials by attending a life coaching...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After a recent fall, a local sexagenarian has found himself in Betoota Base Hospital with a broken coccyx and fractured humorous. Murray Sockman was collecting his mail on Friday morning when he came across some ice slathered across his Betoota Heights driveway. His late-model Hush Puppies, which advertised 'extra grip' on the box, were no match for...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A semi-retired Betoota Grove couple welcomed their first grandchild into the world over the weekend and they've been doting on the little bundle of joy ever since. Graham and Enola 'Butter' Rogers, both 68, took a break from manhandling their eldest son's baby to speak to The Advocate about the joy pulsating throughout their bodies at the moment. The couple...