Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Gregor Redpath is one of the leading examples of why the media and old people have it in for Millennials. He has no savings. Most of the time, especially in the seven days following payday, the 24-year-old lives beyond his means. When he cracks his iPhone screen, he just AfterPays another one. He even AfterPays his clothes because he wants them...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local Real Estate Agent has put her intellectual prowess on full display today by using a relatively uncommon word in conversation. The Residential Leasing Agent at Ray Hooker in Betoota’s CBD dropped the word ‘hence’ into the conversation while taking a couple through a house inspection. Alice Woodburn (32) was walking some potential tenants through a reasonably large...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In what's being described as an absolute miracle, a rag-tag team of Betoota Heights housemates has last night banded together to get a comatose house guest off the living room floor and into a bed. Things got out of hand at the notorious Highview Road sharehouse, which has been handed down from generation to generation...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A ‘normal’ follower of the teachings of Jesus Christ has spoken to The Advocate today about his experience watching the Book of Mormon last night. The acclaimed musical which is now one of the most successful of all time, came to town last night as the stars took over the Royal Betoota Lyric Hall. Nathaniel Wilson (35), who describes himself...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights child has developed an intolerance to popular food building-block, gluten, this afternoon just moments after he stepped off his bed-wetting cousin's safety trampoline. For 5-year-old Danny Taylor, his days of eating shit food are now over and his parents say they'll have to start grocery shopping in Betoota Grove, where gluten was outlawed by local council...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular local hairdresser has revealed he's smitten with his new Toyota Yaris. The man in question, a confused Gary Tuckwell answered the phone this and fielded questions regarding his new car from The Advocate - most of which were geared to his knowledge of resell value. "What does that mean? Why is me owning a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A casual conversation with dad has resulted in him offering up a wildly sensitive bit of information about a prominent member of the community. Even though it's pretty clear that dad was told to keep this a secret, he thought that this passing bit of chit chat is probably the best time to offer it up. While chatting about a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Harking back to the days when he'd slam his Betoota Grove bedroom door shut and retreat into his headphones after an argument with his surgeon father, a local accountant has used that pent-up rage from yesteryear to smash out a bonus set this morning at the gym. Dale Rodgers, who ended up in accounting because he is unable to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A reckless young man hellbent of taking a multitude of unnecessary risks has just checked in with The Advocate this morning while enjoying his North American Odyssey. Peter Songgrid, of Betoota Heights, also said he thought travel insurance was unessecary. "There's no point in living if you can feel alive," he said, pawning it off as something...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Bought during the expresso martini craze early last year, the coffee machine at the Cashew & Pogostick Hotel in Betoota Heights has been getting a work out recently - the most use it's had since last July, says publican Jackie Stephens. "So much so, we ran out of coffee cups last night and had to use pots. We had...