Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Ah yes. That should do it," he said. "Hasta la vista, El Nino. Nice knowing you. Hopefully, your sister turns up before Christmas!" Local grazier John Pooley watched as the b-double of round bales disappeared over the horizon in a plume of auburn dust. It left behind a hearty round bale of lucerne hay, kindly donated by an...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As mortgage stress and tumbling property prices begin to increase for millions of Australian families, one local homeowner has breathed a sigh of relief as his lender today announced they would not be passing on the interest rate hike. The Bank Of Mum And Dad (BMD), a popular lender among our town's well-heeled upper-middle-class, announced...

SAM FLEET | Food | Contact Complete with his and hers pre-dinner drinks, a plate of home-made appetisers greeted Glenn Miller as he walked in the door of his Betoota Heights home this evening after what was another painful day alive. The 38-year-old IT professional poured himself through the front door and was greeted with the warm scent of John West smoked...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "I need a rim job," he said. "Can I get one here?" Even the spare space-saving tyre in the boot of Darcy Mulligan's late model Infinity Q50 has been scuffed beyond roadworthiness. According to friends, the 28-year-old is living proof that a high income cannot buy you spatial awareness and the ability to operate a motor vehicle...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | CONTACT Sophie Yilmaz’s pre-holiday excitement took a hit today after she dusted off her 8-year-old passport and it fell open at the well-worn identification page.  Staring back at Sophie was a shadow of her current self; a red-haired, side fringe sporting, black eyeliner wearing, emo version of herself – to be exact.  “What the hell was I thinking?” She asked herself.  “Who...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | CONTACT “Bonjourno,” said Charlotte Simpson-Smith, an Anglo-Saxon Betoota heights woman who just returned back from a two-week stint on the Amalfi Coast, in case you couldn’t already tell.  Charlotte was greeting the half-Italian waiter at one of Betoota’s family-owned Italian restaurants in the French Quarter. “Ah Grazie Bella, parli Italiano?” questioned the waiter, Fabio, in fluent Italian.   Unable to understand...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Ben Ashton's recent altercations with a telecommunications company have forced his hand when deciding whether to answer the phone or not. The 32-year-old from Betoota's French Quarter is in the midst of a long-running battle with his previous telephone provider over money. Feeling fleeced by the large multinational for excess data charges, Ashton decided to change providers and refuse to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The National Party of Australia has today asked a big question of its political ally and longtime friend. That question was, "Are you fucking done now?" The Nats asked the question after one of the most calamitous weeks in Australian political history, whereby a bunch of individuals put their egos and personalities ahead of the interests of the nation. After days...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact John-Michael Tanbar's lips have been sealed to Berlin's bosom for nearly a year now and he told The Advocate that he's never been happier. The German happy-go-lucky sensibilities and their blasé, liberal attitude toward pretty much everything was just what the 27-year-old ceramic artist was looking for. But there was always a small part of him...

Louis Burke | Culture | Contact Sales representative and former crypto-enthusiast Chris Porter (28) recently cut out the middleman and donated his tax return directly to online bookies in a genius move set to maximise his time. Receiving a tax return of $645, or roughly one and a half pairs of RM Williams, Porter opted to save the heartbreak of watching...