Local News

Road Trip Not Long Enough For Local Motorist To Be Buying That Many Snacks

TRACEY BENDINGER | Motoring | Contact Simon Oakden has today been seen exiting the Betoota Ranges BP with enough junk food to sustain a family of four for an 8-hour car trip. However, it has been revealed that Mr. Oakden is embarking on a mere two-hour trip and is travelling alone.  The Advocate caught up with service station owner, Boris Sampson,...

Leagues Club Hangs Framed Portrait Of Mid-80s Chairman In TAB Like North Korean Propaganda

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Betoota Dolphins RLFC have a lot to be thankful for this year. The new signing of the volatile, anti-social and violent, but impressively quick young winger Lolesio Prince (23) has seen the club tear through the 2018 season with 11 wins out of 12 - in what looks like an almost guaranteed top eight appearance in this...

Loveable Fuck-Up Spins Fantastic Yarn About His Latest Hilarious Fuck-Up

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "So basically, I was running late so I decided to eat breakfast in the car," he started. Everyone smiled and leant in. "Then what?" said one of Doug Redpath's mates. Doug paused and started slowly. "Well, I was eating cereal. Like in a bowl, with a spork because all the spoons were dirty. So anyway, it was all...

Suit Steaming Into House Party After Work Drinks Already On Borrowed Time

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Ben Brown is coming in hot. The broker at a firm in Betoota’s Business District clicked attending to a mates house party a few weeks ago. He also warned his mate, who he met on exchange in Budapest that he would be a little late as he had to attend a Friday staff drinks, as is...

School Leaver Set To Graduate Without Ever Receiving A Nickname Might As Well Been Home Schooled

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Even the guy who shit his pants in P.E. back in Year 7 got a nickname," he said. "Mind you, it wasn't one you'd want but he ended up owning it. Meanwhile, I've tried my best to be pleasant, kind and nice to everyone in the cohort. I get good marks, not the best but...

Hippy Drama Teacher Going All Out For NAIDOC

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT While lamenting on her time spent up in the territory as a teenager, Betoota South High School drama teacher, Ms Webcke (62) stares off into the distance. Ms Webcke is very rarely broken from her slow ballet of theatrical instruction. Never high, nor low. Always very chilled. As one of the only non-unionised members of the faculty, Webcke...

Apprentice Celebrates First Ever Tax Return With A Box Of Passionfruit Red Bears And A Fifty

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local small town mechanic's apprentice, Ando (19) has today treated himself, after lodging an online tax return that estimates he'll be getting roughly a grand in a half back. Despite the fact this money won't arrive for another month or so, and despite the fact that he's purposely not thinking about the fact that next week's payment...

“Barefoot Would Be Proud” Says Man Jealously Watching Colleagues Demolish $10 Lunch Special

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Tim Hume never thought ‘financial freedom’ could be so constrictive and so glum. The 25-year-old Finance Analyst in the CBD has been an avid subscriber to the advice offered by Scott Pape’s ‘The Barefoot Investor’ for some time now. He claims that The Investor has improved his bank balance, and his outlook on life. Driving him...

“No Reason That Linen Cupboard Can’t Be A Third Bedroom” Says 23-Year-Old Real Estate Agent

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Married couple Jane and Daniel Kenny have been informed by real estate agent John ‘Sharkey’ Scarponi that there is no good reason why a linen cupboard can’t double as a third bedroom for their five-year-old son. Having recently benefited from the services of an online mortgage broker, uno Home Loans, to repay their mortgage over...

Fifth-Grade Club Cricketer Laughs As Captain Suggests They Start Pre-Season Training Next Week

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "He's a bit keen, isn't he?" wrote Sam Perkins to the Dugong's fifth-grade WhatsApp group. Everyone's in it except for the captain, Tex Taylor, who doesn't even know it exists. There's an official one that he's group admin of but it's seldom used for anything other than official team business. The latter of which sprang to life...

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