Local News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A group of five girlfriends have been told to shut the fuck up this evening, because Hayley is back in the game. While catching up for their bi-monthly girls dinner, the group of girls who make up a fusion of both work and high school friends, have got some serious goss to sink their teeth into. Most notably, the fact...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |Contact Oliver Braddon has assured The Advocate this morning that he could stop gambling literally anytime he felt like it. The 27-year-old solicitor at Adams & Adams in the French Quarter, who would reportedly bet on two flies walking up a wall, sat down with our reporters to outline why his girlfriend’s concerns are unfounded. Braddon, who bet on over 7.5 corners to occur in the 10...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by everyone at a Schultz family barbecue has found that Uncle Boof might have been carrying on over the last few months. Last thought to be working FIFO in Moranbah, Uncle Boof has been flying under the radar for a while now, and it doesn't sound like he's been seeing much of Kath and his kids. When...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact If fourth-grade suburban rugby league is the sport of kings - Paddy O'Connor is certainly the crown price of the local competition. Either that or court jester - according to those who play with the swashbuckling 29-year-old prop forward. Case in point being at a forwards gym and drill session down the Dolphins Leagues Club this morning, says his long-suffering...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local nail salon in Betoota's inner-city suburb of Roma Hills has been rated as a solid 9.5/10, judging solely off the smell. ToP pOLiSh can be found at the the sixth left-hand shopfront in the grimey Roma Arcade, just between the RTA and the prominent Australianised Chinese Restaurant, Red Lotus. While no one you know has actually gotten their...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact Betoota Hills robot, Colin Dominican (29) thought his newish life partner, Sandra Wentworth (28), had it all going for her. She was hot, funny, loved footy and getting around his mates - in his eyes she was perfect. That was until they decided to have a weekend away together at the Diamantina Resort, 4hrs North of...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A Betoota Ponds wedding has been saved from being a completely lacklustre affair with the DJ deciding to whack on the Grease Medley Megamix and crank it up to 11. According to wedding DJ Walter Casey (54) he doesn’t usually smash the Grease Medley Megamix until later in the evening but upon seeing what an uptight and sorrid...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact Local Betoota Quarryman and all-round piss cutting legend, Jeronimo Regalé, has this morning had some trouble pinpointing the exact causation of the 5mm circular burn that is now weeping on the underside of his bicep. Jeronimo, who is laying on the couch adjacent to his housemate, Clive, is trying his best to recall what could...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A recent survey conducted by the Australian Stock Horse Association (ASHA) has found that fresh plant horses that live to throw first-year jackaroos can be pacified by a simple rub on the neck and a few kind words. The group's spokesman spoke briefly to The Advocate via telephone this morning to discuss the study's findings. "Horses can smell fear; they can...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Hey Christian," bellowed Christan's oldest mate from the office, Dave. "Come over here and speak some of your fucking parseltongue to these blokes. What's that thing you say?" Christian had to interrupt a conversation he was having with another coworker and come over to Dave Gregson, who was now swaying in the cool desert air like...