Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact There was a time when George Washbrook cared about the environment - but then he became a small businessman. From that small business, he was able to buy property. Which he then leveraged to buy more property. Now the successful 68-year-old semi-retired trader is able to live a nice, pleasant life in a house he owns...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Where the fuck is it?" he wrote. "There's no Sacha Baron Cohen movies on here. Do you have a torrent?" Nobody on Darcy Pegmann's group chat had a torrent because piracy is bad and only people who download cars do it - but one friend did offer to point him in the right direction. Late last night, on the recommendation of more...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Not a unique problem but problematic none-the-less. A cache of long-forgotten household scissors has been found close to where a resident of a Betoota Heights sharehouse keeps his bong and other drug paraphernalia. Speaking exclusively to The Advocate about the discovery, Duncan Boyd (the housemate who claims to have uncovered the stash) said that he simply...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Gregor Redpath is one of the leading examples of why the media and old people have it in for Millennials. He has no savings. Most of the time, especially in the seven days following payday, the 24-year-old lives beyond his means. When he cracks his iPhone screen, he just AfterPays another one. He even AfterPays his clothes because he wants them...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local Real Estate Agent has put her intellectual prowess on full display today by using a relatively uncommon word in conversation. The Residential Leasing Agent at Ray Hooker in Betoota’s CBD dropped the word ‘hence’ into the conversation while taking a couple through a house inspection. Alice Woodburn (32) was walking some potential tenants through a reasonably large...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In what's being described as an absolute miracle, a rag-tag team of Betoota Heights housemates has last night banded together to get a comatose house guest off the living room floor and into a bed. Things got out of hand at the notorious Highview Road sharehouse, which has been handed down from generation to generation...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A ‘normal’ follower of the teachings of Jesus Christ has spoken to The Advocate today about his experience watching the Book of Mormon last night. The acclaimed musical which is now one of the most successful of all time, came to town last night as the stars took over the Royal Betoota Lyric Hall. Nathaniel Wilson (35), who describes himself...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights child has developed an intolerance to popular food building-block, gluten, this afternoon just moments after he stepped off his bed-wetting cousin's safety trampoline. For 5-year-old Danny Taylor, his days of eating shit food are now over and his parents say they'll have to start grocery shopping in Betoota Grove, where gluten was outlawed by local council...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular local hairdresser has revealed he's smitten with his new Toyota Yaris. The man in question, a confused Gary Tuckwell answered the phone this and fielded questions regarding his new car from The Advocate - most of which were geared to his knowledge of resell value. "What does that mean? Why is me owning a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A casual conversation with dad has resulted in him offering up a wildly sensitive bit of information about a prominent member of the community. Even though it's pretty clear that dad was told to keep this a secret, he thought that this passing bit of chit chat is probably the best time to offer it up. While chatting about a...