Local News

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Deciding to cool off today at Betoota's lesser-known waterparks, the old Mansfield Quarry, Betoota Heights man, Jason Pane (32), experienced what can only be described as the most inconsiderate and sadistic act known to any beach loving Australian — shaking one’s towel near other beachgoers. The old Mansfield Quarry was opened to Betootanese people from...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A happy-go-lucky Betoota Grove roofer has broken his silence over the ongoing problems he's been experiencing with his girlfriend's cat. Miles Helm, who turned 28 just a few days ago, told our reporters that whenever he drops into Lucy Beetlecough's two-bedroom townhouse down in the French Quarter, her cat never seems enthused. Helm and Beetlecough have...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In what started out as a seemingly innocent bong session under his parent's humble Betoota Heights Queenslander, a local teenager's chop up has ended on a rather sad and pensive note. Still shook from hearing Immortal Technique's 2001 horrorcore rap ballad, 'Dance With The Devil', Stan Sandisk said he was at first shocked and horrified...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Do you ever feel like doing nothing? So do a lot of other people, according to a recent government study which has found that abandoning plans at the last minute to relax and do nothing is actually the best plan after all. One outspoken member of the local Do Nothing Club is Sascha Stevens, a civil...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Glenn Brooker is a cryptopreneur that rides upon a bullish Litecoin steed, which he plans to hold for the time being. But aside from his 'blue chip' coins, the 29-year-old smart man also enjoys diversifying his portfolio - and risk - by taking punts on smaller coins. One of those smaller coins mooned, real hard. As of the June 30,  the Betoota...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Internet piracy is frowned upon at South Betoota Polytechnic College but one student doesn't care. Lewis Cartwright, a second-year law student at the college, just discovered an online, pirated version of a textbook he needed next semester and he doesn't feel at all bad about it. "Hallelujah," she said softly to himself in the library, pronouncing the silent 'J' as...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact It's not that Gregory Ball doesn't like using social media, he just finds himself doing other things most of the time. Rather than fiddle with his phone during the long commute to his job at the Betoota Sailing Club, the popular bartender opts to play on his beloved Nintendo DS. When he gets a moment to himself, such as at smoko...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A young office intern whose financial situation can be described as a bit touch-and-go is currently exhibiting the psychological occurence known as fight-or-flight. The fight-or-flight response, also known as the acute stress response, refers to a human reaction that occurs in the presence of something that is terrifying, either mentally or physically. Andrew Alderely (20) sits in silence, nodding along to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A dodgy contractor has sent chills down even the hardest tradesmen's spine this afternoon, following a dicey joke about killing people. The self-employed career concreter by the name of Ernie Margolis cackles to himself with a proper gold tooth glistening in the sun, after insinuating that he has engaged in buried bound and gagged victim of organised crime or...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Though many Australians refuse to admit it, millions of everyday people have admitted today that they feel sorry for English cricketer Stuart Broad. Aside from a five-wicket haul in Melbourne, the nation's most European city, the 31-year-old has not had much luck with the Kookaburra. But as every Australian enjoys seeing successful people fail spectacularly, Broad...