Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A prominent Betoota Grove mother of four was forced to have an after-dinner lie down against her will tonight after she learned her youngest son's new girlfriend holds her cutlery like she holds a pencil. Wanda Pieterson-Werbles, of Hyacinth Drive, told her husband she was feeling faint at approximately 7 pm this evening, moments after the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As blood sugars run low late on this horrible yet idle Thursday afternoon, two local lawyers met each other for the first time as their respective firms eye off a potential merger. Greg Duchamp and Marcel Dada will soon be working together if next quarter's forecasts prove to be correct. However, things haven't gotten off on...

GWEN ORKEN | Local News | Contact A late model Toyota Prius parked outside a popular local tattoo parlour has sparked a police investigation into the business as it faces allegations that it has no apparent links to a criminal bikie organisation. SkinCity666, in Bougainville, the town's light industrial heartland, was raided early this morning by tactical police from the West Betoota command...

ERROL PARKER |  Editor-at-large | Contact The Diamantina Shire has launched an investigation into why only predominantly-upper-middle-class-families-with-labrador-retrievers celebrate the traditional American holiday of Halloween, when other members of the wider Betoota community choose to not observe it. Come the 31st of October, the white-four-barb fences of Betoota Heights and Remienko Grove are lined with cobwebs, ghouls and other assorted decorations that...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Regaling his close friends, at their request, for the fourth time this year about an 'epic' boat cruise he went one time in Greece, Glenn Gleitzman was just putting the icing on his popular yarn when another friend quickly took the opportunity to jump in. "That's crazy, bro," said Murray Willis, a prospective fringe member...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Move over original thought, there's a new, real moneymaker in town. A number of leading local executives from a prominent South Betoota film studio have gathered today to decide which classic Australian film they're going to remake next. The head-honchos from United Diamantina Projects have put together a presentation, showcasing a lexicon of timeless movies, that...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite taking every precaution, one North Betootanese accountant was forced to take a precious sick day today after coming down with the common cold after a weekend spent doing everything to his body to run it down. The greater Diamantina Shire is currently experiencing a common heatwave, which makes Connor Townsend's diagnosis unusual. "I can't believe I've got a cold,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Atoning for Friday on Saturday is nothing compared to paying the price for Saturday on Sunday. That's according to one local graphic designer, who threw caution to the wind over the weekend and drank Friday through Sunday night. "I feel fine," said Gregor Redpath, a recent graduate of Collins Street Polytechnic in the Old City District. "Which...

DONNA HOLDEN | Culture | CONTACT Michael Kelsen, 27, has been left kicking himself after forgetting to sign the card for a co-worker’s birthday gift which he contributed to. An email was sent around Kelsen’s North Betoota property management office about the birthday gift being organised for one of his more senior co-worker’s 40th birthday. After he read that it was a voluntary contribution,...

KEVIN DOUGLAS | Local News | Contact Speaking to The Advocate through an artificial buzz that only a sleepless night and a quadruple shot flat white can give you, one local chicken farmer said his planned evening of rest was interrupted by his own sense of self-dissatisfaction. Morin Heidelberg, a seventh-generation West Betootanese chicken farmer, said his current financial and social situations...