Local News

“Goodbye My Lover”: Free-Spirit Posts Touching Farewell To Summer On Instagram

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Today is the last day of summer and Gavin Spoon wants everyone to know about it. Using his official Instagram account, the 27-year-old alt-rock-country vagabond took to social media this afternoon to bid farewell to everybody's favour time of year. "Goodbye, my lover!" he quipped. "Goodbye, my friend. You have been the sun, you have been the sun for me!" At the time...

Salesman Confirms Rumours That He A Soulless Husk Of A Human Being

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Betootacone Valley tech start-up scene attracts the best and brightest young people in the country. From far and wide they come. Steven George is one of the lucky ones who gets to suckle at the teet of tech every day of his life. But behind those soft brown eyes, there is nothing. There is nothing because this...

Farmer Thanked By Pathetic Inner-City Resident For His Next Meal

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Oh my God, thank you for these chickpeas," he said. "We don't eat meat Monday to Friday and these will go great the vegan tagine I'm cooking tonight. Thank you so, so much. Katie, you're doing God's work out there. Keep it up! 'kay thanks, bye!" That's the seventh phone call local grazier and farmer Kate Lauritsen has fielded today from...

Tasteless Public Servant Distances Himself From Latest Public Artwork Backlash

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The case against Councillor Tom Carton is building today as the fallout from the latest French Quarter public art project has a community divided. Councillor Carton, who is the youngest son of Betoota Lord Mayor, Cr Keith Carton AM SC, has been criticised heavily in local media this week for commissioning 'one of the most...

Middle Aged Fan Of Blues Music Rocks Pork Pie Hat In Bold Expression Of Individuality

LEROY PERCIVAL | Central-Coast Queensland Folk-Rock Editor | CONTACT A local father of 3 has this week decided he would begin wearing a pork pie hat, in an effort to remind people that he is his own man. Paul James, 46, purchased the classic-yet-unique fashion accessory at the City Beach boutique, whilst visiting Pacific Fair Shopping Centre on a current family trip to the Gold Coast. Although maintaining a cool demeanor,...

“No, You Didn’t Wake Me Up” Lies Man Fielding Sunday Morning Phone Call From Mum

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact About two hours ago local time, John Douglas' phone rang loud enough to wake him up. It was 11 am on this bright Sunday morning when his mother, Boral, decided to give him a ring. "I thought he'd be up by now," she said. "I think I might've woken him up." John told our reporters that he was...

Local 19-Year-Olds About To Get Married Surprisingly Not Christians

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Timothy Camry and Marcia Blasket have been hearing that a lot in recent weeks. Though they've been exclusive for nearly three years now, they're both still young enough to be arrested for enjoying a glass of chilled, wooded Chardonnay on a hot Californian afternoon. Young enough to prompt the question:...

Pantry Overflows With Weird Snacks After Housemate Does Groceries Blazed Again

LEROY PERCIVAL | Central-Coast Queensland Folk-Rock Editor | CONTACT A kitchen in Betootas brownstone district is overflowing this evening as one of its occupants went to the shops during the time between having a smoke after work and having dinner. Scottie Green, a fourth year apprentice sparky, decided to head to Woolies in the early evening after discovering Kelly, his house-mate, had gone and bought...

BREAKING: Dad Looks Like He’s Been Listening To Springsteen Again

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Though his coal mining days have long passed and his life is now full of one mild regret after another, Peter Grince's children tell The Advocate that he often finds solace in the music of Bruce Springsteen. After he's done listening to the Immortal Bard, the 67-year-old often looks disconnected from his surroundings. He seems quite and deep in thought...

Loyal QANTAS Customer Proud Of The Fact That He Pays More Tax Than The Entire Airline

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Despite claiming the odd few things he shouldn’t, and lying here and there when he lodges some of his returns, Sam Nicholson still pays a pretty reasonable amount of tax. As a secondary teacher in Betoota he gets some tax incentives as an employee in the public sphere, but overall he pays roughly 15-20 grand a year in tax. Which is 15-20 grand...

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