Local News

Entire Plane Avoiding Eye Contact During Awkward Standing Part After Seat Belt Light

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite the fact that they aren't going to be walking off the plane for at least ten minutes, every single passenger on the most recent Q683 flight into Betoota this afternoon are standing as if it is go time. With the taller passengers now cramping their necks as they remain jammed underneath the baggage compartments, just about every soul...

Perennially-Late Local Lebanese Bloke Appropriately Nicknamed ‘Yalla’

NATASHA McCLYMONT | Local News | Contact If you want Sam Mousawi to be somewhere on time, tell him to be there an hour before you will. The 27-year-old South Betoota resident has a reputation for being late. So much so that his friends often joke that his nickname should actually be 'Yalla' - an Arabic term used to hurry people up. Recently, it seems that joke...

These Young Professionals At The Pub Are Talking About Cryptocurrencies

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A troubling new trend is sweeping the licensed premises around Betoota's Financial District according to many local publicans, who say that the young men who frequent them are only capable of talking about cryptocurrencies at the moment - and nothing else. Dennis Coolidge has owned the Dolphin & Squid Hotel opposite the Betoota Stock Exchange for close to a...

Thoughtful Grey Nomads Put UHF Channel On Back Of Caravan So Truckies Can Easily Abuse Them

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An elderly home-owning Betoota Ponds couple set out on the trip of a lifetime earlier this month with no set destination. Norm and Beryl Funk sold their pool cleaning and stationery business and traded a life of stress and pay rates for a life spent on the road, chasing dreams. But before setting out, the sexagenarians were...

Man With No Defining Personality Traits Wins A Few Laughs By Drinking Out Of Shoe

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local bloke, who otherwise wouldn't be remembered as a party guest, has stolen the show at a local house party for a couple of minutes by doing a shoey out of his damp skater footwear. Jase Hollingworth (31) isn't well known for his one-liners, taste in music, or general knowledge, but he is really good at frantically...

Local Bloke Watches Monday Night Block Once And Vows Never To Watch Q&A Again

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Devoting many of his Monday nights to the highbrow delight that is the ABC's Q&A programme, a local network engineer had his world turned upside down last night by the nation's most popular prime-time show. Sam Dunkeld told The Advocate that he was preparing his prepackaged lasagne dinner in the kitchen while he listened to Nine News playing in...

Local Neurosurgeon Says He Still Hasn’t Mastered Cutting A Mango Up

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular young neurosurgeon at Betoota Private Hospital has spoken of the difficulty he faces in cutting up mangoes, saying it's often easier to cut up someone's head. Brendan Windsor , explained to The Advocate that he either leaves too much flesh on the seed or ends up chopping into the seed itself. "Very difficult, it is....

Trendy Local Cafe Owner Spends Morning Milking His Almond Trees

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Danny Jogmann opened the Tungen Min Røvhul cafe in Betoota's Old City district last summer and since then, the Danish-inspired eatery has become a local institution among the city's cultural elite. Offering traditional Danish foodstuffs like beer, chocolate, cigarettes and beer, Jogmann says business is booming - but that doesn't mean he's got any time to relax. The...

Local Girl Briefly Toys With The Idea Of Putting Arms Through Sleeves Of Jacket Draped Over Shoulders

INGRID DOULTON | Lady About Town | Contact A popular local fashion blogger has spoken of how she once considered putting her arms through the sleeves of a jacket draped over her shoulders, but ultimately decided against it. Amy Caldwell, of Betoota's trendy French Quarter, told The Advocate that she was waiting for a taxi the other night outside the Exchange Hotel...

Disbelief As Newly-Relocated Commercial Pilot Reveals He’s Not Married To A Hostie

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Recently-relocated Betoota pilot, Captain John Scibson (55) has shocked the town today by revealing that his wife works in a career that has nothing to do with aviation. After keeping to himself for a couple months, the regional commercial flight captain was spotted yarning to a few of the locals at the Lord Kidman hotel yesterday for the Cowboys...

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