Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular South Betoota paralegal was bailed up in the corridor of his boutique law firm this morning by one of his bosses, where he was asked why he has a bad case of the Mondays - even Monday. Dennis Colette, currently undertaking his fifth and hopefully final year of distance Bachelor of Laws study,...

MARKUS VENUTI | Music | CONTACT Around town sound guy Jeff Neve was overheard at soundcheck for the Betoota High School annual Battle of The Bands, lecturing year 12 band Demi and The Undertones about their lack of professionalism. "Did you know I used to tour with The Crawl?!?" yelled Jeff as lead singer Demi did his best to ignore him and help his band mate...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Tony James says he knew perfectly well what he was doing when he burnt the arse out of the Bolognese and undercooked the pasta this week. While his girlfriend churned through the unappetising meal, the young engineer couldn’t help but smile to himself. “I am a clever clever little boy,” he told The Advocate whilst playing...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An independent report commissioned by the Australian Hoteliers Association has concluded that patrons should only be denied service due to intoxication when the person starts speaking Simlish, a language invented for the popular video game, The Sims. The news startled many in the industry, who stand by the traditional definition of an 'intoxicated person'...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT It's still unclear what could be causing the dangerous levels of Impulse Romantic Spark emitting from the change rooms of the North Betoota SUPRÉ outlet. North Betoota Fire Chief Jason Yabsley said the city's public works department is currently in discussions with the Aereosal Safety Commission on how to deal with the situation in the prominent Australian fast fashion women's...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local suitcuck at Lemonger DOBB's Betoota office has lashed out at claims made by some of his friends that he honestly 'doesn't contribute much' in the way of revenue and that his position 'very dispensable' within the company. Brett Nicols, a media graduate completely devoid of personality and ambition, was offered the position of account coordinator at Lemonger Betoota...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Back in Sheila Corgan's day, men were men and women were women. That's a personal mantra she's lived by her whole life and the 66-year-old semi-retired seamstress isn't about to make any changes. A native of West Betoota's infamous Gorden Estate, Corgan says that today's generation is softer than a microwaved mango and wouldn't last a second back in the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Because he's not made of money, a local student has blown the dust off the BitTorrent client installed on his late model MacBook Pro and plans to wait patiently for the latest Game of Thrones torrent to appear online so he can pirate it. Lewis Caldwell* spoke briefly to The Advocate about his plan to be a straw on...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An often misunderstood and underappreciated local 12-year-old blew the socks off his peers, teachers and family yesterday afternoon at the Hasbrook Road Public School talent quest. Jack McElroy, a Libra, spoke candidly to The Advocate about why he chose to stand up there alone with nothing to keep him company except a cheap Yamaha bass guitar and an even...

LILLY MULLER | Gossip | Contact   A harmless personal training professional found himself making small talk with another pleasant Betootanese youth as they clip-clopped up the stairs to his third-floor apartment overlooking the Green Park Oval in East Betoota last night around 2am. Pierre Gynt ran into Isobelle Frogmann, a former workfriend, in the smoking partition of the Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club pokies den...