Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "He sometimes even wears gloves," said one classmate. "I've seen him with a scarf wrapped around his neck - the same day it was so hot, the goannas were frying on the sand," said another. They're talking about is Bont Coleman, a well-known local drifter who controversially enrolled in the South Betoota Polytechnic College after threatening to blow it up...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular part-time crew trainer at the Daroo Street McDonald's Family Restaurant has revealed to The Advocate that he sneaks extra McNuggets into customer's orders because he's community-minded and 'fast-food Robin Hood'. Douglas Milton, a 24-year-old student at the South Betoota Polytechnic College, said he rounds up to the nearest ten when he puts together a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Affectionately known as 'Tracey the Toshiba' by those close to her, a local laptop has been tragically put to sleep for the third time today by her owner after freezing yet again. Frowning and sighing from behind his lecture desk, Mark Dengue gently held down Tracey's power button until she drifted off into the next word after she repeatedly...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "It's certainly not what you expect to see at 10 in the morning on a Tuesday," she said. "Am I just supposed to pretend like it's not there?" It's that painful time of year for Aileen Woodrow when the car starts making a funny noise just before Christmas. The 28-year-old told The Advocate she'd usually just let...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A country butcher has today revealed his success in the meatslinging game comes from the random pinch of parsley he places ontop of raw meat before having it photographed. Boris Gleitzman (56), who for many years has been rumoured to hold close ties with organised crime figures in the greater Diamantina area, has today said that sending eight kids to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In a massive blow to the mood of the bosses, a Samoan account manager has said that he is not interested in joining the company's touch footy side. The executives of a Betoota-based consultancy firm, Jackson Organisation Consultancy Consolidated (JOCCs), were previously under the assumption that the white-collar Pacific Islander would be a walk up start to the team,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Editor | CONTACT “The rum made me do it,” claimed local carpenter Jack Derwent today. After shattering a bloke’s jaw out the front of the Royal on the weekend, Derwent confirmed it wasn’t his poor problem solving skills or gnawing insecurities that caused the incident, but the fact that he was drinking a certain type of alcohol. “Haha fuck you were punchy on...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Brenton Poon is fed up. Not with his garbage-collecting job in general, nor with his estranged wife that insists they're ready as a couple for twin beds. In fact, there's not much in this world that the 34-year-old says upsets him. But what really gets his goat are the resident of 45 Wristy Road, French Quarter. "They're fucking recycling bin is always...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Editor | CONTACT The token short fella in a local group of mates has told The Advocate today that jokes about his stature aren’t annoying because they get under his skin, but because they are just not funny. Lukas Rowlands, who nudges a touch over 170 centimetres, has copped a fair amount of shit over the last 10 or so years and...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Betoota Credit Union , known for their competitive home loan rates and customer service, have announced today that they'll bend over backwards to help people from all walks of Betootanese life realise their dreams by going to the cricket this summer. Going to the cricket, like home ownership, is simply out of reach for many young locals. But BCU...