Local News

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact   Looking through the filthy plate glass windows of the Pisse Dans Ma Poche Cafe on Rue de Saudade this morning, Emma Castor couldn't help but think of her best friend who's no longer with us. Last year, she bid a bittersweet farewell to Katie Frog, who decided that life in Betoota, the Paris of the Diamantina, wasn't for her. Like...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact A 16-year-old Betoota Grove boy woke this morning with a sense of immense pride. Last night Nick Green impressed guests at his sleepover by successfully executing the flamethrower, a stunt that sees antiperspirant deodorant sprayed over a naked flame. The Advocate caught up with Nick shortly after his guests left. “Wow!” exclaimed Nick. “If this doesn’t...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A client's Christmas Party last night and a vomit on the bus this morning, Jenny Rutland is living life in the fast lane. Friends of the 26-year-old told her she'd be better off calling in sick, that there's no dishonour in admitting defeat to the Silly Season. But the happiness of her clients is paramount. Which is why today she's soldiering...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "He sometimes even wears gloves," said one classmate. "I've seen him with a scarf wrapped around his neck - the same day it was so hot, the goannas were frying on the sand," said another. They're talking about is Bont Coleman, a well-known local drifter who controversially enrolled in the South Betoota Polytechnic College after threatening to blow it up...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular part-time crew trainer at the Daroo Street McDonald's Family Restaurant has revealed to The Advocate that he sneaks extra McNuggets into customer's orders because he's community-minded and 'fast-food Robin Hood'. Douglas Milton, a 24-year-old student at the South Betoota Polytechnic College, said he rounds up to the nearest ten when he puts together a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Affectionately known as 'Tracey the Toshiba' by those close to her, a local laptop has been tragically put to sleep for the third time today by her owner after freezing yet again. Frowning and sighing from behind his lecture desk, Mark Dengue gently held down Tracey's power button until she drifted off into the next word after she repeatedly...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "It's certainly not what you expect to see at 10 in the morning on a Tuesday," she said. "Am I just supposed to pretend like it's not there?" It's that painful time of year for Aileen Woodrow when the car starts making a funny noise just before Christmas. The 28-year-old told The Advocate she'd usually just let...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A country butcher has today revealed his success in the meatslinging game comes from the random pinch of parsley he places ontop of raw meat before having it photographed. Boris Gleitzman (56), who for many years has been rumoured to hold close ties with organised crime figures in the greater Diamantina area, has today said that sending eight kids to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In a massive blow to the mood of the bosses, a Samoan account manager has said that he is not interested in joining the company's touch footy side. The executives of a Betoota-based consultancy firm, Jackson Organisation Consultancy Consolidated (JOCCs), were previously under the assumption that the white-collar Pacific Islander would be a walk up start to the team,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Editor | CONTACT “The rum made me do it,” claimed local carpenter Jack Derwent today. After shattering a bloke’s jaw out the front of the Royal on the weekend, Derwent confirmed it wasn’t his poor problem solving skills or gnawing insecurities that caused the incident, but the fact that he was drinking a certain type of alcohol. “Haha fuck you were punchy on...