Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Feeling confident in his newfound ability to control his impulses, a popular North Betoota account director has sat in the pub down the road from his office this afternoon and repeatedly recoiled in disgust. Life wasn't as rosy as it is now for Brett Dearmoth. Just two short years ago, he was left destitute as a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Lost and frightened on the edge of town, a Betoota Heights sexagenarian began to panic. Marrion Rhiannon, a popular interior designer and art curator, found herself outside a textile factory in the outer south-eastern suburbs of the Betoota City Limits this morning without any means of getting herself back to her French Quarter offices. What's typically a...

ROY MARTIN | Horse Racing | CONTACT As the gambling addicted, court suit-wearing, fascinator-adoring men and women of Australia prepare themselves for the most important sickie of the year tomorrow, there’s one corner of the Australian online community preparing themselves for a different kind of day out. And that is, one spent entirely indoors, keyboard at the ready, to let the world at large know that horse...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In previous years, Michael Dooley has happily defrauded the Australian Tax Office with petty deductions regarding his laundry and business attire. Once or twice, he even claimed his own private phone was actually the device he used for work. But in recent times, that hasn't been enough for the 24-year-old logistics manager - he wants to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Three-hundred-and-sixty-four-days-a-year, David Gardner works hard earns an honest pay. He works closely with builders and other tradesmen, picking the things up they don't need on the site before breaking it up and throwing it in a skip bin. The 27-year-old is a self-described simple man with simple needs. But tomorrow, he lets himself go. "Melbourne Cup is basically Christmas in November," he...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Teaching middle-class white people to snowboard over winter and shooting dingos for the DPI over the summer, Dennis Willmott has seen his fair share of what life can throw at you. He's seen a lot. He's seen Donald Trump be elected President of The United States. He's seen Britain leave the European Union. He's seen the world change...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Describing herself as a simple woman with simple pleasures, Denise Coleman doesn't like complaining about things out of her control. The popular local warhorse has time and time again called on the government to provide a stable, usable internet connection to her Mankey Valley donga - but has received no answer. Until now. This morning, the 39-year-old grader...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Tumblr has been rocked by blogger D’Arcy Sunmarin (27) who has not only set the internet ablaze with her Harry Potter blog (The Half-Blood Queen) but her stance in not identifying with any Hogwarts House. “People say I’m brave for having my stance but that doesn’t make me a Gryffindor, lol.” While many Harry Potter fanatics...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact In breaking news, Betoota East chef Henry Leonards (34) was immediately terminated from Cafe Eats earlier today, following the revelation that he had been preparing food completely sober. “Unacceptable. How am I meant to trust a chef who turns up to work like that? How do I even know he’s awake?” Cafe Eats owner Wayne Guthrie...

NATHAN GALLAWAY | Street | Contact Cutting through the grounds of Betoota National University this morning, one local student on a walk of shame paused to ask himself what was so shameful about what he was doing. John Greenholm, a third-year philosophy student, went along to see the Turkish Drill Pressers last night at the Dolphin's Club and by all reports...