Local News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Lauded as 'The Channel Country's Clem7" the new Diamantina monorail service was launched today by Betoota mayor Councillor Keith Carton and several other neighbouring mayors. Servicing Boulia, Windorah, Betoota, Birdsville and Bedourie - the 1000 kilometre elevated railway system will service hundreds of tourists and about 70 locals who can afford to use it as a means of commuting...

GREG PONCHO | Canberra et al. | Contact A popular Point Piper public servant has sighed repeatedly over his cappuccino this morning after realising that all the renewable and sustainable energy technology he invested in previously isn't compatible with the future. Malcolm Turnbull, the 29th and current Prime Minister of Australia, told neighbours that he plans to have the solar panels...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Betoota's iconic 'Outdoor Recreational Holiday Park' has today unveiled their daring new gender-neutral bathrooms, as board members of the 200-year-old tourism destination admit that "it's time to acknowledge that we live in 2017". The new facilities are tipped to offer the exact same experience for men and women (and everything in between) without the pressures of archaic gender...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Regional Queensland's premier bookshop has today drawn a line in the sand between dietary self-help and potentially dangerous cult-like trends. QBD, the only in-store book retailer in the greater Betoota region, has said that they will not be 'drinking the Kool-aid' of Celebrity Chef Pete Evans, also known as 'Paleo Pete' - who has in the past suggested...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Employees at Betoota Eastside Reality have mixed feelings in response to the conclusion of a three-year study that has today confirmed, the office fridge can go suck a chode. “No surprises here,” says junior agent Carla Tuckey. “I hate that fridge and I agree; it can go suck a chode.” Urban Dictionary defines ‘chode’ as a penis...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT He’s a web developer known for his Pop Vinyl collection and long comments defending DC films but there is more to 26-year-old Chris Jefferies than meets the eye. According to a co-worker of Jeffries, the mild-mannered web developer is mates with a military sniper. Jeffries co-worker, who has asked to remain anonymous gave details of his discussion Jeffries where...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The Moore family of 15B Muru Avenue, Betoota have been advised to end their after routine begin immediately assisting father Wayne Moore (43) in his increasingly urgent search to find his keys. “It’s mental here right now,” eldest son Julian Moore (16) said in an earlier statement. “I was just playing COD, next thing you know, we’re tearing the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Katie Frost has bared the burden of her past for what seems like an age. While on the surface, she seems calm and collected. Almost normal in her own way. A known quiet achiever, popular among her peers. The now 23-year-old was the Head Girl of her exclusive East Betoota private school. But what lies beneath is much, much less mundane. "As...

LAURY LUCKNOW | Local News | Contact A French Quarter office person has asked a fellow office person if it's Friday yet, to which the response was an uneasy smile and a cough-laugh. Local boutique and bespoke accountant, Lachlan Dowling, asked one of his coworkers this morning if it was Friday - when he clearly knew it was only Thursday. On the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Morris Lupus ran for the 9:01 am L45 to Betoota Green Junction this morning, something he feels well above but his current financial situation says otherwise. As quick and hard as the 48-year-old ran, he missed it. Sighing to himself, it didn't take long for him to take a perch outside Mrs Cartwright's Cake Shop on...