Local News

Flashbacks Of Conversation With Boss Yesterday Riddle Local Man With Anxiety

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Though he can remember talking to his boss yesterday, Dylan Potter can't remember what they talked about. Recently, the 26-year-old property manager has been thinking about his future more and where he'd like to be in five years time. Those thoughts were prompted by a discussion last week he had with his boss, who asked him where he saw himself...

Understaffed Bank Branch Not Even Trying With The Refreshments

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The twenty or so people backed up in the waiting area of a local DMB branch have today realised how unimportant they are in the minds of their chosen financial institution. Diamantina Maranoa Bank is well known across the greater Betoota regiona as one of the few banks that assume every single one of their customers has the time...

Man Catches Himself Thinking About His Dog Again

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact For the fourth time this morning, a beloved local dentist has paused to think about his pawed best friend at home all alone. Dr Dennis Waugh walked out of his French Quarter medical practice late this morning to enjoy a brisk walk around the block in between patients, when he suddenly caught himself thinking about his placid three-year-old Golden...

Former Gambling Addict Wondering How All Of This Shit Is Still Legal

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Feeling confident in his newfound ability to control his impulses, a popular North Betoota account director has sat in the pub down the road from his office this afternoon and repeatedly recoiled in disgust. Life wasn't as rosy as it is now for Brett Dearmoth. Just two short years ago, he was left destitute as a...

Disorientated Baby Boomer Hails Bus To Ask Bus Driver If This Is The Right Bus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Lost and frightened on the edge of town, a Betoota Heights sexagenarian began to panic. Marrion Rhiannon, a popular interior designer and art curator, found herself outside a textile factory in the outer south-eastern suburbs of the Betoota City Limits this morning without any means of getting herself back to her French Quarter offices. What's typically a...

Inner-City Leftie Prepares Self For Annual Care About Equine Welfare Day

ROY MARTIN | Horse Racing | CONTACT As the gambling addicted, court suit-wearing, fascinator-adoring men and women of Australia prepare themselves for the most important sickie of the year tomorrow, there’s one corner of the Australian online community preparing themselves for a different kind of day out. And that is, one spent entirely indoors, keyboard at the ready, to let the world at large know that horse...

PARADISE PAPERS: Local Worker On $54k Explores His Possible Tax Haven Options

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In previous years, Michael Dooley has happily defrauded the Australian Tax Office with petty deductions regarding his laundry and business attire. Once or twice, he even claimed his own private phone was actually the device he used for work. But in recent times, that hasn't been enough for the 24-year-old logistics manager - he wants to...

Man’s New Lime Green Tarocash Suit Doesn’t Know What It’s In For Tomorrow

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Three-hundred-and-sixty-four-days-a-year, David Gardner works hard earns an honest pay. He works closely with builders and other tradesmen, picking the things up they don't need on the site before breaking it up and throwing it in a skip bin. The 27-year-old is a self-described simple man with simple needs. But tomorrow, he lets himself go. "Melbourne Cup is basically Christmas in November," he...

World Needs Rage Against The Machine Now More Than Ever, Says Local 90s Kid

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Teaching middle-class white people to snowboard over winter and shooting dingos for the DPI over the summer, Dennis Willmott has seen his fair share of what life can throw at you. He's seen a lot. He's seen Donald Trump be elected President of The United States. He's seen Britain leave the European Union. He's seen the world change...

Government Initiative Sees DVD Markets Replace NBN, Netflix In Regional Areas

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Describing herself as a simple woman with simple pleasures, Denise Coleman doesn't like complaining about things out of her control. The popular local warhorse has time and time again called on the government to provide a stable, usable internet connection to her Mankey Valley donga - but has received no answer. Until now. This morning, the 39-year-old grader...

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