Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Many of Greg Manitoba's friend told The Advocate that the 28-year-old puts the 'fun' in 'functioning alcoholic' - a loveable label the local bridge and wharf carpenter has enjoyed since finishing university. Known well around the Old City district's nightspots and day-drinking watering holes, Greg often gives it a red-hot-crack over the weekend before slithering back...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A South Betootanese woman who slammed her the front door closed to parents' Dennison Street Californian bungalow earlier in the year has been traced to Bondi - The Advocate can reveal. Through a four-part investigation into the missing young lady, our reporters checked her various social media accounts daily - only to discover them riddled with images of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A person that works in an office doing something with a computer has become in ire of his colleagues this afternoon because he refuses to speak about anything other than the NFL starting today. Making things worse for himself, Michael Leary even brought his 'pigskin' from home today and simply refuses to stop playing with...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A local builder was left bemused this week, after the apprentice returned with his impossible request. Brad Holmes, a middle aged joker from Norwood in Adelaide, chuckled to the other tradies on site when he asked the young fella to pop off down to Bunnings and get a tin of tartan paint and a box of bright sparks. He laughed with...

BERT MALLEY | Local | CONTACT A recent report shows that the boys actually scrub up alright when they have to. Sources close to the group are reporting that the boys are looking deadset schmick in the tuxes they rented for tonight’s engagement party at the Betoota Surf Club. The boys, who decided to “go all out for Jace and Saz’s thing”, have rocked up...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A polite but charmingly unkempt local tax accountant is once again the ire of the office today after he sweeping his lunch crumbs off his desk and onto the floor. Known mostly for his happy-go-lucky disposition and a 'hilarious' disrespect for the Australian Tax Office, Colin Peterson explained to The Advocate that he often leaves...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact For a number of years, the residents of the leafy East Betootanese enclave of Betoota Links have enjoyed the unbridled privilege on not knowing they even had it. But according to local police, some of that privilege has ended. From last night, police from the East Betoota command began roadside testing for cocaine - as well as...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Outspoken right-wing commentator Andrew Bolt has been chased through the streets of Melbourne this afternoon by a gang of anti-fascist thugs hell bent on glitter-bombing him again. But Bolt wouldn't have a bar of it. Rather than let the gutter-dwelling communists catch him unawares, the barrel-chested South Australian tried his level best to outrun his assailants. After a running gun battle through...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Being one of KBBL Betoota Imparja's breakfast television presenters is a rare privilege bestowed upon a chosen few - one of those being Brett Gallway. Each morning, the 49-year-old rises early and runs for an hour around Barcoo Park in the South Betoota, exclusive, leafy enclave of Danish Town while he listens to podcasts. Arriving home in time...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Greg Klimt is a self-described simple man. He enjoys supporting his beloved Dolphins and maintains a diet almost completely devoid of fruit and vegetables. "I don't like them, I like smokey BBQ sauce and potato gems for tea," he said. "Wash 'em down with a Betoota Bitter tin and a hearty bowl of Viennetta dessert cake. That's how...