Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The Moore family of 15B Muru Avenue, Betoota have been advised to end their after routine begin immediately assisting father Wayne Moore (43) in his increasingly urgent search to find his keys. “It’s mental here right now,” eldest son Julian Moore (16) said in an earlier statement. “I was just playing COD, next thing you know, we’re tearing the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Katie Frost has bared the burden of her past for what seems like an age. While on the surface, she seems calm and collected. Almost normal in her own way. A known quiet achiever, popular among her peers. The now 23-year-old was the Head Girl of her exclusive East Betoota private school. But what lies beneath is much, much less mundane. "As...

LAURY LUCKNOW | Local News | Contact A French Quarter office person has asked a fellow office person if it's Friday yet, to which the response was an uneasy smile and a cough-laugh. Local boutique and bespoke accountant, Lachlan Dowling, asked one of his coworkers this morning if it was Friday - when he clearly knew it was only Thursday. On the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Morris Lupus ran for the 9:01 am L45 to Betoota Green Junction this morning, something he feels well above but his current financial situation says otherwise. As quick and hard as the 48-year-old ran, he missed it. Sighing to himself, it didn't take long for him to take a perch outside Mrs Cartwright's Cake Shop on...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A prominent Betoota Grove mother of four was forced to have an after-dinner lie down against her will tonight after she learned her youngest son’s new girlfriend holds her cutlery like she holds a pencil. Wanda Pieterson-Werbles, of Hyacinth Drive, told her husband she was feeling faint at approximately 7 pm this evening, moments after the family dinner had concluded. Joey...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A prominent Betoota Grove mother of four was forced to have an after-dinner lie down against her will tonight after she learned her youngest son's new girlfriend holds her cutlery like she holds a pencil. Wanda Pieterson-Werbles, of Hyacinth Drive, told her husband she was feeling faint at approximately 7 pm this evening, moments after the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As blood sugars run low late on this horrible yet idle Thursday afternoon, two local lawyers met each other for the first time as their respective firms eye off a potential merger. Greg Duchamp and Marcel Dada will soon be working together if next quarter's forecasts prove to be correct. However, things haven't gotten off on...

GWEN ORKEN | Local News | Contact A late model Toyota Prius parked outside a popular local tattoo parlour has sparked a police investigation into the business as it faces allegations that it has no apparent links to a criminal bikie organisation. SkinCity666, in Bougainville, the town's light industrial heartland, was raided early this morning by tactical police from the West Betoota command...

ERROL PARKER |  Editor-at-large | Contact The Diamantina Shire has launched an investigation into why only predominantly-upper-middle-class-families-with-labrador-retrievers celebrate the traditional American holiday of Halloween, when other members of the wider Betoota community choose to not observe it. Come the 31st of October, the white-four-barb fences of Betoota Heights and Remienko Grove are lined with cobwebs, ghouls and other assorted decorations that...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Regaling his close friends, at their request, for the fourth time this year about an 'epic' boat cruise he went one time in Greece, Glenn Gleitzman was just putting the icing on his popular yarn when another friend quickly took the opportunity to jump in. "That's crazy, bro," said Murray Willis, a prospective fringe member...