Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Workmates of Mohammed Sayeed have told The Advocate that the typically quiet young man has 'really come out of his shell' this week after his Bangladesh Tigers beat the Australian Test cricket team in Dhaka yesterday for the first time ever. Taking a position at the double-hatted Betoota Hotel bistro, the 24-year-old new arrival to...

RE: A MESSAGE FROM THE ONION’S EDITORIAL BOARD TO THE BETOOTA ADVOCATE On behalf of The Betoota Advocate, I’d like to extend a warm welcome to the team from The Onion. As one of the last, great, American news media organizations, we thank you for your kind words and wish you safe passage through our vast and beautiful home. Make yourself...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Activities like pouring his heart out to a complete stranger at three in the morning on a school night are slowly becoming less attractive to one local youth, who's slowly discovering he's not one anymore. Speaking to The Advocate this morning at IKEA's grand opening in Betoota Ponds today, Andrew Cowell and his partner Linda...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The principal of an exclusive local private boys' school has taken time out of his busy morning to explain to The Advocate that should any of his students feel the need to turn up to school out of uniform, he will feel the need to punish them for it. Dr Robert Tintern has been Principal of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An office of Betoota's least interesting people enjoyed an early lunch this morning at a popular French Quarter cafe, where to their disgust, they discovered someone in their midst doesn't like or watch Game of Thrones. Sam Caldwell, an accounts executive at a failing boutique South Betoota marketing firm, made the shock confession earlier today...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A law student at East Betoota Polytechincal has lashed out at suggestion and rumour that he's been taking moot court too seriously, The Advocate can reveal. Michael Bonham-Page, son of local barrister and convicted drink driver Winston Bonham-Page SC, is in his sixth year of Bachelor of Laws study at the private university and is...

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sport | Contact In what started out as a line of questioning to determine if a local referee's eyes were 'fucking' painted on, has turned into a touching and sad moment. One prominent rugby league referee, who asked to remain anonymous, has told The Advocate of how he hears every cruel and unfounded criticism a local man makes...

BERNARD FUG | Family | Contact There was a time when Michael Gomez thought he could laugh about it - but that time hasn't come. In what describes as a 'momentary lapse of reason', the now 57-year-old says agreeing to a happy snap with his newborn nephew back in 1985 is a decision that still haunts him to this day. "I was going through a...

EEROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A boxing prophet who decided to grace The Betoota Hotel with his presence this afternoon has spoken of how he knew Floyd Mayweather would win in the tenth round against Conor McGregor. Not only did he know, upon the fight's competition, Brett Coffey told anybody who'd listen to him that he told them that Mayweather would win before the...

EEROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A South Betoota software developer has taken time out of his busy Sunday to demonstrate to friends in their living room just how Irish fighter Conor McGregor will defeat Donald Cerrone. "He's going to get him with a Celtic cross," said Jesse Massey. Jesse, who hasn't slept from last night and is trying his very hardest...