Local News

MARKUS VENUTI | Culture | CONTACT A Betoota waiter and local party legend Jason Ivy was reported to have made a considered attempt to hide his disgust and frustration as a table of four, sitting outside on a busy Sunday morning at their local cafe called to him for the third time to change their order. "Can we just change one of those coffees, darrrrrrrrrling" asks a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After first telling our reporter what in the fuck he was looking at, Shyarnnah Kelso then instructed him to take a picture - because it'd last longer. However, after she calmed down a bit, the 19-year-old was able to confirm that her initial outburst was nothing personal. It was because her label-less water bottle is full...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After falling in love during their senior year at the exclusive Royal College of Hard Knocks in South Betoota, Leo and Sherryn Slacks knew they'd be together forever. Enrolling the very next year in the University of Life in nearby Toompine, the couple married just a few months later in the winter of 1971. "The first place we ever lived...

SOPHIE WARD | Cadet Reporter | Contact A friendly local rug merchant has broken with tradition and closed his successful outlet store after hosting a fire sale earlier this month in which he declared he was 'going out of business and everything must go.' Nathan Haddad's rug shop, Le Branlette RugWorld, has been a cornerstone and a landmark business in the town's...

MARCIA GREY | Local News | Contact An overly polite account manager at a local advertising firm has been forced to defend himself this morning after co-workers discovered that he doesn't watch Game of Thrones, a popular US television series. Oliver Climt took time out of his busy morning schedule at Lemonger BDDO Betoota, one of the highest-regarded advertising firms in the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular South Betoota paralegal was bailed up in the corridor of his boutique law firm this morning by one of his bosses, where he was asked why he has a bad case of the Mondays - even Monday. Dennis Colette, currently undertaking his fifth and hopefully final year of distance Bachelor of Laws study,...

MARKUS VENUTI | Music | CONTACT Around town sound guy Jeff Neve was overheard at soundcheck for the Betoota High School annual Battle of The Bands, lecturing year 12 band Demi and The Undertones about their lack of professionalism. "Did you know I used to tour with The Crawl?!?" yelled Jeff as lead singer Demi did his best to ignore him and help his band mate...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Tony James says he knew perfectly well what he was doing when he burnt the arse out of the Bolognese and undercooked the pasta this week. While his girlfriend churned through the unappetising meal, the young engineer couldn’t help but smile to himself. “I am a clever clever little boy,” he told The Advocate whilst playing...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An independent report commissioned by the Australian Hoteliers Association has concluded that patrons should only be denied service due to intoxication when the person starts speaking Simlish, a language invented for the popular video game, The Sims. The news startled many in the industry, who stand by the traditional definition of an 'intoxicated person'...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT It's still unclear what could be causing the dangerous levels of Impulse Romantic Spark emitting from the change rooms of the North Betoota SUPRÉ outlet. North Betoota Fire Chief Jason Yabsley said the city's public works department is currently in discussions with the Aereosal Safety Commission on how to deal with the situation in the prominent Australian fast fashion women's...