Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local suitcuck at Lemonger DOBB's Betoota office has lashed out at claims made by some of his friends that he honestly 'doesn't contribute much' in the way of revenue and that his position 'very dispensable' within the company. Brett Nicols, a media graduate completely devoid of personality and ambition, was offered the position of account coordinator at Lemonger Betoota...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Back in Sheila Corgan's day, men were men and women were women. That's a personal mantra she's lived by her whole life and the 66-year-old semi-retired seamstress isn't about to make any changes. A native of West Betoota's infamous Gorden Estate, Corgan says that today's generation is softer than a microwaved mango and wouldn't last a second back in the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Because he's not made of money, a local student has blown the dust off the BitTorrent client installed on his late model MacBook Pro and plans to wait patiently for the latest Game of Thrones torrent to appear online so he can pirate it. Lewis Caldwell* spoke briefly to The Advocate about his plan to be a straw on...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An often misunderstood and underappreciated local 12-year-old blew the socks off his peers, teachers and family yesterday afternoon at the Hasbrook Road Public School talent quest. Jack McElroy, a Libra, spoke candidly to The Advocate about why he chose to stand up there alone with nothing to keep him company except a cheap Yamaha bass guitar and an even...

LILLY MULLER | Gossip | Contact   A harmless personal training professional found himself making small talk with another pleasant Betootanese youth as they clip-clopped up the stairs to his third-floor apartment overlooking the Green Park Oval in East Betoota last night around 2am. Pierre Gynt ran into Isobelle Frogmann, a former workfriend, in the smoking partition of the Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club pokies den...

PETER HORRACE | Local News | Contact A Birdsville father of four has been flown to Adelaide after he collapsed late last night after learning that his 'future Wallaby' is currently seeing a marginally employed Betoota waitress with a septum-piercing. Morris Davidson, a semi-retired small business owner, was re-watching his favourite episode of Sky News' Bolt Report when wife Gwendolyn came in...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A frustrated Brendan Simpson decided to bloody well tell this giant telco what he thinks of it this afternoon, by lashing out at a call centre employee from the Philippines. After ongoing issues with his internet, the 56-year-old worker in the commerce sector finally picked up the phone to sort it out. After spending an hour on hold...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local families at the Betoota Arboretum and Recreational Reserve witnessed a minor verbal altercation today, as one of the young Adams boys decided to throw his weight around in front of his mates. Tyce Adams, a 13-year-old Betoota High School student decided to verbally abuse a slightly older skateboarders after he caught him looking generally in his direction at...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact EXCLUSIVE The Australian Federal Police have tracked down disgraced former Dolphins 4th-grade captain and club treasurer Lewis Karnava to the remote Greek island of Icaria, where it's understood he's been laying low in the wake of allegations that he stole from local rugby league club. In particular, the club's rego money. Each player with the club is required to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After discovering a debilitating gluten allergy at age 27, Keight McGrath's world was turned upside down. Since that horrible afternoon last April, she's kept to a strict vegetarian diet and drastically reduced her alcohol intake. However, one of her many vices is the explosive action and entertainment that one can only draw from the wellspring of...