Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An underemployed graduate of the exclusive South Betoota TAFE College has compiled his most fraudulent and dishonest tax return to date this afternoon. Fergus Blister, a qualified horticulturist, works as a sandwich maker at a nearby cafe during the day and occasionally runs cockfights in his backyard to supplement his meagre income. However, he failed to declare the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local dad, Nic Manna (64) says the beers his son brought over for lunch today aren't too bad at all. "What do you call this one?" he asks, sounding as though he's just discovered sex for the first time. "Shan have you tried this one. Jeez, not bad at all" After a lifelong allegiance to the sensible...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A former rugby sensation is starting a new chapter in his life this morning after finally finding his true passion in life. Michael Priestly, a graduate of East Betoota's exclusive Cartwright College for Boys, passed his real estate exams last week. The 29-year-old was immediately offered a place at Coleman & Sons Real Estate of Mulholland...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After being roped in by his wife and eldest daughter, a West Betoota agronomist ventured down to Tasmania for the 'Dark Mofo' festival for a much-needed break. However, Dennis Beckmann explained to The Advocate this afternoon that he didn't really feel like he had a break and that he didn't get much of an opportunity to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A young townie has taken time out of his busy Saturday afternoon of spitting in public and dropping in down the Watson Road Skate Park to speak to The Advocate about dealing with haters and shit talkers. "I will wrap this razor scooter around your fucking head if you talk smack," revealed Lewis Matthews, son...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An East Betoota mother of three received her branded Thermomix bomb suit in the post earlier this week, but still isn't game to try making dinner tonight with the Thermomix. Jenny Cockburn, a former portfolio manager at Macquarie Private Wealth's Jundah office, spoke to The Advocate a short time ago about her apprehensions about using...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet| Contact Go to school. Go to university. Get a job and within 20 to 30 years you will achieve success. That’s what Sam Edwards has been told all his life. Unfortunately, he was never told about how dull and commonplace working a 9-5 office job can be. After a couple of years of going through the motions, 25-year-old Edwards...

13 June, 2017. 11:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local retired business owner has revealed to The Advocate this afternoon that he's still supporting his son despite cutting him off earlier this year. Michael Rust, a former refrigeration specialist, said that his son is able to live humbly with two other friends in a trendy Californian bungalow in South Betoota,...

12 June, 2017. 13:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Two prominent young Republicans have spent the morning moping around Davidson Reserve in West Betoota, trying their best to enjoy a public holiday that they're morally and ethically against. Wallace Prattley and Lisa Gooch bring up the idea of an Australian Republic at every opportunity they have. While that hasn't stopped the 24-year-olds from...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT New local dad, Brett Broadus has today graced social media with an adorable photo of him napping alongside his two-month-old daughter, Zara. Despite the fact that his child has essentially not stopped shitting, crying or eating since they left the hospital in mid-May, friends of the Brett and his wife Mandy are under the impression...