Local News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local straight man Big Troy can't believe some of the wild remarks his girlfriend's gay best friend has been getting away with. While tagging along on one of their weekly coffee dates, Troy says he was blown away by some of the remarks he heard Ted throwing around in front of his partner of three years this morning. "Obviously the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Dad Ken Gillespie (59) is really enjoying giving it to the hungover waiter at a family breakfast this morning, it has been confirmed. While celebrating his daughter's 23rd birthday at a prominent inner-city cafe, Mr Gillespie was quick to notice that the young bloke serving them had a sickly Tasmania pallor and still smelt a little bit like...

17 July, 2016. 12:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact GRAPPLING HIS 10-INCH CRESCENTS like he's holding a cricket bat, a North Betoota sissy has embarrassed himself this morning by using both hands to cut up some plain wire. Stopping short of wearing gloves, Sam Earle (24) let out a quiet, audible moan as he finally heard the clink of wire hitting the...

12 July, 2016. 10:05 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Local teenager, Ed Harper can't stand up right now. For fear of being asked by his English teacher to help contribute to a English problem on the white board, the 15-year-old is currently sitting in complete silence while praying to whatever God will listen to his desperate pleas to be left alone until it goes soft. Ed...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THOUGH HE USUALLY does most of his self-loathing from the comfort of his own bedroom, local sad case Evan Bellmonty had a change of scenery over the weekend. His parents were growing uneasy with their son's growing detachment from society. The St Clare's College mid-winter Ball seemed like a great opportunity for young Evan to get out...

8 July, 2016. 12:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact IN WHAT STARTED OFF AS just a casual catch-up drink at their local watering hole, two Betoota men soon discovered that they've both run a line through the same pleasant, but unstable woman. In 2010, Taylor Conway ran into Chloe Kennedy at an evening function at the Betoota beer pit behind the...

7 July, 2016. 11:35 MERV HARRIS | Local News | Contact Colleagues of Rowen Giddens at Betoota Accountancy were left in stunned silence this morning after Mr Giddens revealed he is currently struggling with a massive haemorrhoid, during a conversation in the office about footy. The group of workmates had been discussing the fight that Betoota Dolphins stalwart and crotch-grab merchant Matt Southwell had started...

6 July, 2016. 10:35 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Local Betoota Blackfella, Ian Fischer (28) says he still hasn't forgotten the things Pauline Hanson said him in the late nineties. "Yeah she's not too popular with our mob," he says while pouring Holbrooks BBQ sauce and Saxa salt over a bully beef stir fry in his corrugated iron roofed back block. "She made life pretty...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local baby boomer, Berrick Daley (64) says that he votes for whichever major party is toughest on asylum seekers. "We can talk about gay marriage and climate change all we want... But everyone is forgetting the bigger picture. We don't have the infrastructure to house all the boat people that keep coming here for a free ride," says Mr Daley, who...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Baby Boomers, James and Mary Grant (both 65) say that their looming mortality is not a concern, because they aren't going to miss out on anything. "The way these kids carry on, there'll be nothing left by the time we kick it" says the career barbecue retailer who doesn't believe in climate change. "All this lot do is...