Local News

4 May, 2016 13:15 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In case you haven't heard, last night our Federal Treasurer Scott Morrison handed down his first budget, unveiling a plan to save billions by cracking down on multi-national tax avoidance and shaking up the superannuation system. While the 2016 budget comes across as far less psychopathic than anything Joe Hockey put on the table, it is still far...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local woman, Ashley Mapusua, says six straight days of watching the Ellen Show is enough for even the most uninspired jobseeker. After a fortnight of unemployment, Ashley has finished watching 'all the good stuff' on Netflix and is now killing time by watching light-hearted American daytime television. "It hurts. I lost my job as a sub-editor due to redundancies...

28 April, 2016 18:15 MERV HARRIS | Culture | CONTACT There are reports this afternoon from the Betoota RSL that the open-air toilets in the club's pokie room is housing a smell that would bring a tear to the eye of even the most hardened veteran. Pokie Room attendant and former glassie, Andrew Oldham, said that patrons will simply have to deal with the stench...

27 April, 2016 09:35 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT 33-year-old Marrickville man, Ryan Minto, has put his dreams of smashing the bourgeoisie on hold, until he can prove he is actively seeking employment. In order to receive this week's Newstart Allowance of $255.25, the heavily opinionated underachiever must prove that he has applied for ten or more unskilled labouring positions and notifies Centrelink that he...

13 April, 2016. 10:15 MERV HARRIS | Contributor | CONTACT In a bizarre turn, a local man chose to stand immediately next to another man at a row of vacant urinals in Betoota this afternoon. Identified only by the Sydney Roosters tattoo on his wrist, the culprit took up the position at the otherwise empty bank of amenities in a quiet suburban pub early hours...

12 April, 2015. 17:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact KNOWN NOW TO his mates as "Staple Man", a North Betootanese network engineer said this morning that his new stomach will be no match for what he's planning to eat for dinner. Glenn Peterson once had a lap band, but it broke during a 2012 binge at the old Hong Wang Diner...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local woman, Deborah Farrah (45) has stunned neighbours today by transporting $300 worth of groceries from the boot of her Holden Commodore to the kitchen bench in one load. The single-mother-of-three says its no big deal, and sometimes you just need harden up. "Yeah, the fingers were hurting by the time I got to the steps, but...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Milf, Catrina Deardan (41) is completely unaware that she is the sole reason her teenage son's schoolmates are having extra long showers before dinner. The mother of three - who is seemingly ignorant to how fucking hot she is - also has a similar affect on her teenage neighbour, Tim. Another close friend of her fourteen...

30 March, 2016. 15:10 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local vegan Jamie Hemmant feels like he isn't doing a good enough job of explaining his boring lifestyle choice - so he's going to send you some links, it has been confirmed. Not even thirty minutes into your first catch up in eighteen months, Jamie has found a way to turn a...

24 March, 2016. 10:39 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THE GROUND HAS BEEN BROKEN and construction has started on the controversial expansion of Betoota Airport, giving hope to the local chamber of commerce but sending other members of the community into a rage. One of those raging against the plan is local mum-to-be Jeanie Kyte. After reading an article her 34-year-old stay-at-home-mother...