Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactLocal woman Gabrielle Flores today stands accused of being in denial, after announcing she has a ‘bit of a girl crush’ on a female colleague, it’s reported. The term ‘girl crush’ refers to a woman having platonic feelings of admiration for a fellow woman, with the male equivalent being a ‘man crush’ (it’s unknown why it’s not ‘woman crush...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA bloke who’s been feeling pretty disillusioned with his white collar life has found himself fantasising again -  this time about being a mysterious stranger sitting in a dimly lit corner of a bar smoking a cigarette, who only emerges from his seat when a bully starts trying to rough up a pretty lady. George Halbert, an excel sheet...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTA self-proclaimed nonconformist has been forced to reevaluate her entire personality today, after her Spotify Wrapped revealed her most-played artists of 2024 were Charlie XCX, Drake, Olivia Rodrigo, and Chappell Roan. Emily Mandrake, 28, who has spent most of her adult life claiming she’s “not like other girls,” was blindsided by the data, which she insists is...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Treasurer Dr Jimothy Chalmers Esq has hosed down the pathetic and targeted speculation that New Albo is going to pull the pin on this bullshit and let him or Timbertop Marles take the reigns into the upcoming election next year. Some in the media are trying to rev up the possibility that the Prime Minister...

CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACTIn a twist that has left bushwalkers and brunch-goers at odds, local hiker Tim Reynolds (34) is fuming after discovering that his trusted Salomon trail shoes have become the latest inner-city fashion statement.Tim, a lover of the great outdoors, who has logged countless kilometres in his Salomons on trails across the country, was seen seething in a...

CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACTIn a revelation that’s baffled her inner circle, local woman Ash Richie (28) has formed an unlikely bond with her one surviving houseplant—a Devil's Ivy that, much like her, thrives on neglect.Unlike most plant owners who obsess over watering schedules and sun light levels, Ash’s approach is decidedly low-maintenance, mirroring her own self-care philosophy. While others would...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As social media feeds across the country flooded with colourful Spotify Wrapped graphics this week, local oddball Trent Walters took it upon himself to remind everyone that he doesn’t use Spotify, opting instead to share his Apple Music Replay. The 28-year-old accountant from Betoota’s French Quarter said he doesn’t need Spotify and prefers the superior...

CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACTIn a twist that has baffled both his housemates and the principles of economics, local man Jake Fowler (26) has somehow managed to scrape together funds for ‘weekend party supplies’ despite being ‘in between jobs’ for the past six months.Jake’s housemates, Tom and Gemma, are bewildered by his mysterious ability to remain flush with cash for his...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA casual conversation about unconventional childhood crushes has a woman rethinking her relationship today, after learning that her boyfriend’s idea of ‘unconventional’ is one of the hottest women to ever exist. Having stumbled on the topic on Tik Tok, known as ‘hear me out’, Hayley Whitlock, 28 thought it’d be a fun bonding experience with her boyfriend to share...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT A local sharehouse man, simply trying to cope with the heat and humidity in his aircon-less home by taking cold showers, is worried he may be inching closer to becoming one of those ice bath enthusiasts. Will Botley (25) initially thought the activity was harmless—an ice-cold shower to cool him down just enough to fall asleep—until now. What started as...