Sports

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The controversial lobby group for 'awakened' and 'transparent' dissidents of the nation's gestapo-like vaccination programs have today released a statement in which they enthusiastically distance themselves from the National Rugby League. "We know we are considered to be the bottom of the barrel to everyday people... and most of you would think we would think that we would...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Penrith Panthers and NRL icon Phil 'Gus' Gould has confirmed that he's sent some requests upstairs this morning. Speaking exclusively with The Advocate, Gus explained that he wasn't asking any favours from the traditional denominational figures, but in fact, attempting to converse with the 'Football Gods.' The Football Gods, often referenced by Gould in commentary are the omnipotent beings who...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact One of the few remaining Wallabies fan's in the country has explained to The Advocate that everything is beginning to add up now. The long-suffering fan of the game they apparently play in heaven sat down with us briefly at an Old City District Cafe in the bottom of the generic high rise building his law firm is based...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The leading economic drain on the Betoota Mutts has confirmed this week that he is now pretty much just asking the club physiotherapist to turn him into a mummy. The club veteran who always has a bit to say about the latest batch of colts, made the admission after clicking the clubs strapping tape bill over $500 before...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Several officials from the Guinness World Records have arrived in Melbourne today to inspect what many believe to be the world's largest rug. Following several hours of close examination, it was confirmed that the Australian Football League is the official world record holder in this niche but extremely notably category. Once initially thought to be just a wholesome game enjoyed...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Walkley-award-winning rugby league oracle Danny Weidler has today announced he's actually starting to feel bad for the fans, after the NRL manages to sneak in one more colossal off-field incident before the round one. As Wiedler reported moments ago, Tyrone May has been arrested by NSW police in connection to the release of two sex tapes, just under an...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the NRL continues to descended into pure and utter chaos, CEO Todd Greenberg has made the executive decision to push forward the official launch of the rugby league season by a week. This comes after the countless sex tape leaks and off-field punch-ons that have dominating headlines in what many describe as 'the off-season from hell'. "I don't care...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Phil 'Gus' Gould has asked the CEO of the NRL for a bit of a hand this afternoon. The General Manager of the Penrith Panthers did so when he asked Todd Greenberg to show him 'how to delete these videos from the internet.' Waiting for a press conference to start regarding the leaking of sex tapes involving Panthers...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After successfully evading the wrath of two Royal Commissions, the mass resignations of female Liberal MPs and record-breaking dip in approval ratings, former Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has today sent a special thank you to his mates at the Eastern Suburbs District Rugby League Football Club. According to sources in the front office of the Roosters Leagues, an undisclosed...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The constantly roasted AFLX competition, which takes place tonight in the Victorian capital, has today announced the introduction of tables, ladders and chairs - in an effort to spice up the already weird as fuck code of football. The latest innovation is an attempt at maintaining the focus on entertainment at the pre-season event by encouraging pure human rubble...