Sports

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Play-making Virgo Bernard Foley has reportedly been benched for tomorrow's clash against the Springboks after refusing to shave off his offensive sideburns after coach Michael Cheika instructed him to. Speaking exclusively to The Advocate a short time ago, a Rugby Australia insider said the floppy-haired five-eighth was given the opportunity to shave them off completely...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In some extraordinary news in our neighbouring country of New Zealand, it can be confirmed that there are still people actually watching Rugby League over there. In an unusual turn of events, the New Zealand Warriors will somehow be playing football in the month of September. "Feels weird" says one fan, Iosefa Wellington. "Don't even have to wear a jumper....

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT NRL CEO Todd Greenberg says all this drama around the Bulldogs players getting drunk in a pub doesn't really concern him, unless they were driving, because that would have probably been highly illegal. After three consecutive weeks of no drug or violence-related misdemeanours in the National Rugby League, Greenberg says it's almost like the players...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In sensational news coming out of New York, Australian tennis player John Millman has managed to grab headlines without making a fool of himself. The 29-year-old journeyman who is ranked 55th in the world has incredibly knocked Roger Federer out of the US Open in 4 sets. Millman won 3-6, 7-6, 7-6, 7-6 to upset the 20 time...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT It can be confirmed today that some journalists have taken some photos of a group of blokes having a session. The disgraceful journalists and photographers on the scene, under instruction from their bosses, have captured ‘shocking images’ of a group of footy players getting on the sauce. Photos emerged in the news organisations papers, peddling outrage over a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott has today announced that he'll be donning the red and black in this year's 2018 Koori Knock Out. This comes after the Member For Warringah was given the nod by some of the powerbrokers in the selection committee for the Walgett Aboriginal Connection. "Which way?!" Abbott shouted at our camera operator, while jogging off...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Aunty Barb has seen plenty of things come and go, so she tends to take it as it comes. However, the resilient Aries admitted today that she still hasn't come to terms with Jonathan Thurston hanging up the boots. The 74-year-old Cowboys fan from Betoota Ponds sat down with our reporters today to explain just why it hasn't sunk in...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The current salary cap scandal currently gripping the Cronulla Sharks will see club officials asked to give evidence to the NRL’s integrity unit to determine the depth of potential breaches, with irregularities found in the 2015 and 2017 books. Head coach Shane Flanagan, former chairman Damian Keogh and former CEO Lyall Gorman will be called to front the NRL...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A tragic local footy supporter has today taken it to a new level with sideline vitriol, in clear earshot of children as young as five-years-old. For the last twenty minutes, the man has been spraying the referee, the opposition, the opposition's coach, and some of his own players. It appears, through the contents of his tirades, that the man is...

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports | Contact Researchers from Australia's peak scientific body have held a press conference in Sydney this afternoon just hours before the Wallabies showdown against New Zealand to explain that they've found a link between our nation's most ordinary rugby jerseys and winning Test matches. Speaking to four journalists this afternoon, Dennis Brockman from the CSIRO said that...