Sports

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Describing himself as an avid supporting of association football in general, Maurice Stayne explained slowly that he always tries to find the time to sit down and watch his favourite teams play each week. Like most people who enjoy the sport, the 28-year-old has two favourite teams. Liverpool in the English Premier League and in the...

Donald Trump has been dealt another major blow by a national US sports team, after the US Mens National Soccer team defied him by refusing to play anything resembling soccer in their final World Cup qualifier this week. Amidst the ongoing controversy regarding NFL players and fans boycotting the national anthem, the USMNT are being hailed as ‘heroes of free...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact From the ashes of footballing dispair, a great beacon of hope has risen. One of the greatest sporting coaches of all time, Wayne Bennett, has thrown his hat in the ring to coach the national soccer team after current coach, Ange Postecoglou, announced he'd be leaving the role effective immediately. Telling the media this morning in Brisbane,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local young liberal chapter president has today put it all on the line by openly acknowledging that some people aren't attracted to the opposite sex. Hugo Griffin-Knightley says his typical Australian upbringing  - which saw him attending several international schools in Hong Kong and Singapore while his father ran the comms arm for FedEx AsiaPacific, before settling into...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local papou living roughly 15 km south-east of Melbourne's central business district, in the suburb of Oakleigh, has shocked his extended family tonight by his adamant claims that Socceroos captain Tim Cahill is of Southern European background. This comes after the Sydney-Born Samoan-Australia footballing superstar was brought on for his last five minutes of last night's match, before doing his...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A nervous, shouty young man has taken time out of his busy half-time debrief session with his WhatsApp group to confirm that his love of the national soccer team will be extinguished if they lose to Syria tonight in Sydney. Tom Comby told The Advocate that he's probably the biggest fan the Socceroos have in Western Queensland, as he's the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After spending months in the centre of the 2017 Australian parliamentary eligibility crisis with doubts over his citizenship, Senator Malcolm Roberts has today resigned from the Senate to join the star-studded Tongan squad for the upcoming rugby league World Cup. Roberts, who was born in India under British rule to a Welsh father, has been under siege for not clarifying his...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The most celebrated man in Aussie Rules football has today revealed that he's sparing no expense when it comes to glitz and glamour at his end of season premiership party in Sydney's wild west. Off the back of a low-key Mad Monday which followed a Brownlow Medal, AFL Premiership and Grand Final best and fairest, the heavily-tattooed 26-year-old made...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a shock decision, the United Nations has informed the rest of the planet that the North Queensland Cowboys are the 'favourites' ahead of the NRL Grand Final. Speaking from New York City, a UN spokesperson agreed that the free world was behind the Cowboys because they were the biggest underdog on the day. "Oi but," said the UN...

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports| Contact Waking from yet another night of drinking imported beer out of green bottles, a local Wallabies fan was shocked to see the boys in gold had a game last night. Rex Conurra, a popular East Betootanese finance worker, woke around ten this morning to see a flurry of push notifications regarding the 27-all draw against the Springboks...