Sports

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Top NRL officials have today lauded fans at the Bulldogs v Wests Tigers ANZAC Day clash after a record breaking 9 second moment of silence. Initially meant to be a 'minute's silence' - the NRL has in recent years repackaged the commemoration tradition into a non-specific 'moment of silence' - so as to not keep...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Local blues die-hard Josh Sullivan has already begun explaining to coworkers why New South Wales is a real shot of winning State of Origin this year. Work colleague Ash Barton said that Sullivan, 29, usually starts to murmur about Origin around this time of year, before reaching fever pitch the week before Game One. “I feel so bad...

18 April, 2017. 17:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Nine Network is in talks with Australian Rugby Union  to bring the latest Super Rugby disaster to the small screen, with Hollywood television heavyweight Eric Stonestreet agreeing to portray besieged boss Bill Pulver. Due to make its TV debut mid-way through next year as the ongoing saga between SANZAAR, the ARU, Melbourne...

16 April, 2017. 17:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Commentators feel Australian Rugby Union has been gripped by a feeling of nostalgia, for when the nation was a relative powerhouse, as they announced earlier this week that they were planning to reintroduce a number of controversial policies from yesteryear in an effort to rebuild the code's reputation. "One issue we've had is...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The religion of rugby league appears to have finally overtaken Christianity in the River City this week, ahead of the Brisbane Broncos local derby against the Gold Coast Titans on Good Friday. The Brisbane NRL franchise has refused to acknowledge the archaic judeo-christian-inspired Australian laws that prevent schooners on the first day of the Easter Long Weekend. Local...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Commodore of the Betoota Sailing Club has revealed to friends this afternoon that he's not sure what's wrong with Australian rugby union, but it might have something to do with the 'grassroots' level. From the gunnel of his jibing 34ft ketch, Vred Lesbisk, Commodore Walter Crowlow explained how he felt there was something awry with the game...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Despite being only 15 minutes into a local footy game, a drunken punter is letting the referee know that that oppositions number 2 has been a non-stop pest, and will continue to be unless his poor discipline is recognised. “Fuck me dead sir, he has been doing it allllll dayyyyyyyyyy!” he yells from the sidelines. Local games between the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Caucasian footy player Toby Rowntree has decided to take a giant leap of faith this afternoon. Sitting shirtless in the setting sun, on the side of the footy field, Toby was finally comfortable enough to call one of his Polynesian teammates “uce.” With a lukewarm can of bitter in one hand, and a pair of sunnies shading his precious...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local footy referee, Jock Smith (35) has somehow managed to adjudicate an entire reserve grade rugby league match using painted on eyes. The Bedourie-based insolvency agent was criticized by supporters from both clubs when his lack of real eyesight became apparent - with hostility arising from a shocking error that saw him allowing a 6th tackle try in...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The NRL have today announced that they have enlisted the help of Hollywood blockbuster director, Baz Luhrmann, to help with commentator Phil 'Gus' Gould's pre-State Of Origin monologue. Known colloquially as the 'Gus-Up' - the pre-kick off rant has seen the husky former player and coach gradually earn respect from both sides of the Tweed - with his euphoric...