Sports

12 November, 2016. 11:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THOUGH HIS HEART is weaker than his daughter's boyfriend's handshake these days, Derek Murchison decided this morning to collapse onto the floor of his West Pymble home in solidarity with the Australian cricket team. The 69-year-old retired accountant has been a die-hard supporter of the boys under the Baggy Green for a...

9 November, 2016. 11:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact BEFORE HEADING OUT TO vote, Dennis Gobbmann cleaned his Glock 23 and spent an hour putting on his makeup. The 24-year-old refrigeration technician was lucky to not cast his vote from the Jacksonville watchhouse today, after being arrested last night for throwing rocks at cars overnight. Making it clear to his social media followers...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Shortly after being indefinitely released from his contract, Cronulla Sharks premiership-winning fullback Benny Barba has today been criticised for taking illegal drugs outside of the supervision of his club doctor. It is believed that his teammates are also 'off him' because he didn't tell anyone he had a bag and was being a hold out. As reported earlier today by...

7 November, 2016. 12:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact CRICKET AUSTRALIA ARE investigating an incident this afternoon after a toilet was smashed in the Australian team's dressing room immediately after batsmen Usman Khawaja was dismissed for 97. Initial reports suggest that Mr Khawaja may be responsible for the smashed toilet, as he was on the receiving end of a fairly dubious third umpire...

5 November, 2016. 13:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS on Greg Murray's mind today. His son doesn't like cricket, he likes soccer. His wife asked him to mow the lawn this morning, which he did without argument - even though it took up almost all his Saturday sit down time. Just last week, his daughter's new boyfriend turned...

4 November, 2016. 11:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact SEATED NEXT TO HIS mate of twenty years, Gilbert Greene picks his schooner up off the bar and heads for the smoking area. Though he's enjoying the shocking return to form, that's where his love of Nine Network's coverage of the First Test against South Africa ends. "Let me know when that cunt...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Iconic Channel 9 sports announcer, Ken Sutcliffe has today revealed that his retirement from cricket commentary could not have been timed any better. The 68-year-old former male model from Mudgee has opened up to The Betoota Advocate about a growing 'toxicity' within the world-renowned Channel 9 cricket commentary box. "There's been a few changes over the years" he said. "Not...

COLIN PATERSON | Melbourne | CONTACT Pat McKlint (divorced, 54) has been heard slurring at the top of his voice as he stumbles towards the Randwick Racecourse fence for race 8, which he can only see on the big screen. What should have been a pleasant day out for this commercial real estate team, quickly turned ugly when McKlint went another $250 down on the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Apparently local account director, Zane Shearer, is really into the American baseball competition of MLB. His co-workers made this discovery on Monday, when he went to the effort of decking out his desk space with seemingly brand new LA Dodgers merchandise. This news comes a shock to many in his office, as most of his colleagues just assumed that...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact FORMER TEST GREAT Rob Quiney is set to release his own memoir from his time at the top, detailing some explosive stories from his two Test matches in 2012. Despite only scoring nine runs in his first match in Brisbane against South Africa and collecting a pair in his second Adelaide test match, the 34-year-old...