Sports

Wallabies Selectors Arrive Wearing Hazmat Suits In First Ever Public School Visit

12 September, 2016. 09:45 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian Rugby Union CEO Bill Pulver and several Wallabies selectors have been praised today for stepping outside their comfort zone and visiting a public high school over the weekend, for the first time in the history of Rugby Union. The milestone comes as a result of the school in question, Brisbane State High, winning the 2016...

God Politely Asks Jarryd Hayne To Stop Dropping His Name To The Media

9 September, 2016. 10:15 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Lord Almighty has politely asked Gold Coast Titans fullback, Jarryd Hayne, to please stop recklessly making references to him ahead of tonight's clash against the Broncos at Suncorp Stadium. The Creator has told the former NFL Rookie-turned Fiji 7s benchwarmer that while he appreciates the outspoken loyalty, there is very little...

ARU Selectors Spotted West Of The Kings School In Parramatta For First Time Since 1996

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Regional media across the country can today confirm that ARU selectors have been spotted outside of the affluent metropolitan suburbs of Brisbane and Sydney for the first time since 1996. Mudgee newsagent, Ken, says he was puzzled when he saw two athletic looking cityfolk dressed in Wallabies merchandise at his son's football match over the weekend. "I...

TERESA WHO? Queensland Submits Application For Sainthood Of Jonathan Thurston

6 September, 2016 10:05 MICK MCDONALD | North Queensland | CONTACT Peter Betros, chairman of the Queensland Rugby League has given notice of the organisation's intent to submit an application calling for the canonization of North Queensland Cowboy’s player Jonathan Thurston to Saint Thurston. The application will be made to the Congregation for the Causes of the Saints, making the case that Thurston meets the...

Peter Siddle to Australia’s fast bowlers: ‘You guys should be eating more bananas’

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact TEST CRICKETER Peter Siddle has urged the current crop of young Australian pacemen that they're not consuming the correct amount of bananas that a fast bowler should be consuming. The 31-year-old has hinted that this could be the very reason why the nation's Test team has been plagued by injury and pace bowler breakdowns in...

Man Of Middle Eastern Appearance Holds Crowd Hostage At Place Of Worship In Sydney’s West

5 September, 2016 10:30 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Police in Sydney's West have today spoken about an incident that occurred inside a place of worship yesterday afternoon - as a man of Middle Eastern appearance held a crowd of 15,000 people hostage for up to 45 minutes. It is believed that the man in question, notorious Leichardt identity Robbie Farah, created scenes of hysteria at...

Andrew Fifita Defends His Friendship With Tasmanian Spree Killer Martin Bryant

2 September, 2016. 11:34 WENDELL HUSSEY | Intern | Contact Following his now very public association with one-punch killer Keiran Loveridge, further revelations have come to light this morning about Andrew Fifita’s relationship with another notorious Australian criminal. In another headache for the NRL, a source has confirmed that the Cronulla Sharks player visited Martin Bryant, Australia’s worst killer yesterday ahead of their...

Brett Lee accused of taking charity match ‘a bit too seriously’

31 August, 2015 11:30 IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports | Contact A MOSMAN ACCOUNTANT IS in Royal North Shore Hospital this afternoon after former Test cricketer Brett Lee grew tired of him getting edges, so he came around the wicket and dug them in short to finish the job. In what was supposed to be a jovial day's cricket to benefit many local charities, the fast...

QLD Reds Sign Quade Cooper, Morgan Turinui & Rodney Blake For 2017 Season

29 August, 2015 17:30 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Notorious NRL and Super Rugby player agent, Khoder Nasser has today confirmed that his client Quade Cooper has put ink to paper as the official 'life-saver' signing at Queensland Reds... For the next three seasons. The announcement has resulted in a huge exhale for both the club and fans, who are sick and tired of their post...

Local private schoolboy’s Sunday brunch soured by Wallabies loss

28 August, 2016. 14:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THE SOURDOUGH HAS never tasted so sour. The wage-earning coffee professional who tried in vain to smash an unripe and out-of-season avocado on it has only done a slightly better job than what Alasdair Davis-Whitney reckons the Wallabies did last night in Wellington. "Sometimes, I don't know why I waste my frequent flyer...

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