Sports

26 June, 2016. 11:30 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THE MANY THOUSANDS OF private schoolboys that witnessed the latest Wallabies defeat last night have been left picking up the pieces, as their mothers pick their beer-soaked polo shirts from their bedroom floors. Though the series defeat was secured last week in Melbourne, this game was about saving face. Only two hours later, the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact BACK WHEN DOCTORS PRESCRIBED Ashes highlights for erectile dysfunction, Shane 'Keith' Warne was taking crucial wickets on a dead pitch in central London. That was 2005. Yesterday, Warne confident in US actor Charlie Sheen, telling him that there's no better drug than taking five on Day 4 of a Test match. "To be honest, I didn't know what...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Unbeknownst to his bosses, local man John Birley (37) has spent the entire work day watching Youtube highlights of men he has never met fighting each other. Speaking to The Betoota Advocate from behind his desk, Mr Birley says he has been very busy hiding his pre-State Of Origin bloodlust from coworkers. As a mid-level furniture salesman, John says...

19 June, 2016. 15:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THE GREATEST WALLABY FULL BACK of the modern era called it "the worst judgement he'd ever seen in Test rugby," while Tim Horan described it as "shocking". Matt Burke was left gobsmacked by a call made by South African test great turned referee Handling van de Errors, when in the second half...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Local rugby league sensation, Benny Benchwood (26), has been informed by his club that his media duties will no longer be required in pre-match, post-match and week-leading press conferences. These revelations come after both teammates and fans expressed their disgust at his inability to tick of every single rugby league media clichè after his club's spectacular win in...

28 May, 2016. 11:01 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact AFTER BLAMING EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING for his unsurprising exit from the French Open overnight, tennis star Nick Kyrgios is the subject of a Kickstarter campaign that aims to fund the search for his ticker. The 21-year-old's shoulder gave up on him early in the piece, with his growing frustrations slowly shifting towards...

27 May, 2016. 16:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact JUST DAYS AFTER APOLOGISING on behalf on 60 Minutes over the Cameron Smith debacle, Paul 'Fatty' Vautin has been asked to apologise once again for another journalistic mishap made by the popular television programme. The 56-year-old is set to make another landmark apology to the victims of 60 Minute's botched kidnapping attempt, which...

26 May, 2015. 14:34 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact The NRL has announced that all players and officials are on notice after the police issued an official warning to discourage footballers for consorting with convicted criminals. "We are aware that majority of our fan base is made up of unsavoury characters. Please avoid celebrating alongside fans in the grandstand after a try. This...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The first time Brisbane roofer, Michael Rust decided to represent himself at a Central Rugby Union kangaroo court, he left defeated and broken - after being sentenced to suck week-old raw oysters out of a prop's belly button. Last week, on the returning bus trip home from their win over the Brisbane Irish, the 28-year-old tragically...

23 May, 2015. 17:44 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Parramatta half-back Kieran Foran has thanked NewsCorp for their kind words and support during his darkest hour, it has been confirmed. In late April, the Eel's star recruit was granted a leave of absence by the club to deal with mental health concerns, in a story that grabbed headlines across print, radio and TV. Rumours...