Sports

Report: Biden Would Not Pass HIA

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Everyone except Donald Trump's staunch supporter base are horrified today, after getting a close look at the man who is supposed to be cognitively equipped to lead the world's most powerful country in the world until 2028. While the international media remains committed to pretending that age is not a factor and that old people can run the world...

Sydney Man In Melbourne Accidentally Watches Replay Of Carlton Blues Match

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT A Sydney man residing in the Victorian capital has reportedly found himself in the unfortunate situation of trying to find a pub that was broadcasting game 2 of the second NRL State Of Origin match. Jack Pattenson (26), a Sydney born graphic designer who moved to the centre of the universe last month, says he made a rather avoidable...

NRL Scriptwriters Receive Logie Nomination For State Of Origin Miniseries

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The NRL scriptwriters have been nominated for a Logie Award for their work on the State of Origin miniseries. The nomination comes after the thrilling spectacle of State of Origin II, which left fans wondering if they were watching a sports match or an intricately choreographed drama. With only minutes remaining in the first half,...

Sleepy Country Town With Undefeated 2nd Grade Football Side Must Have An Abattoir

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Yawannagokhunt, a two horse country town east of Betoota has this week maintained their bizarre footballing statistics: An average first grade footy side, and an undefeated 2nd grade side.. and not enough blokes in town to pull together a third grade side. This is the case for both the Yawannagokhunt Stinkbeetles RLFC and the Yawannagokhunt Cut Snakes rugby club, as...

Evil Corporate Sponsors On NSW Blues Jersey Perfectly Symbolise State’s Cultural Downfall

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT Are the recent NSW Blues jersey sponsors the perfect illustration of the state's cultural downfall and descent into global irrelevance? Many Australians would argues yes. Known as the premier state, NSW has long held an air of superiority over the rest of the country as the beating heart of the nation.Boasting the oldest cities, largest population and most iconic...

Sound Of A Hundred Beer Cans Cracking Heard Outside Australian Team Hotel As Afghanistan Pull It Off

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a scene that perfectly captured the highs and lows of international cricket, the air outside the Australian team’s hotel was filled with the bittersweet sound of a hundred beer cans cracking open as Afghanistan pulled off a stunning victory over Bangladesh. In a match riddled with rain interruptions, Afghanistan, led by four-fors from Naveen-ul-Haq...

Italian Mate Confirms There Is 0% Chance Of Wiping The Dolmio Grin Off His Face Today

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local 2nd generation Italian man is walking on clouds today, it can be confirmed. The man who makes a point of letting people known he's from the north of Italy, has rolled into work after another fantastic morning supporting Italy's national football team. This follows the most Italian football team shit ever, with the Azzurri scoring a...

Small Town Pie Shop Really Letting Success Go To Their Heads

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTAn Australian slab of tall poppy syndrome might just be what the good doctor ordered after a small town pie shop has really let the success go to their heads.In the coastal Betoota sister town of Magpie Bay, local pie shop The Pissed Patissier has built up a reputation for baking pies so good people from the city...

Wallah Cuz This Is The Year, Confirms Bankstown Barber

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT It's been 20 years since Willie Mason and the famous Dogs Of War gloriously snatched the NRL premiership from Uncle Nick and the boys from Bondi. The Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs. A storied rugby league club. The family club. A club that unites locals of all different creeds and backgrounds. Their membership includes the Greek migrants whose flag blends in perfectly...

Pakistan Braces For Tight Loss Against Cricketing Powerhouse Canada in Totally Non-Suspicious Circumstances

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Pakistan cricket team is gearing up for another close loss tonight against tournament contenders Canada as their T20 World Cup campaign derails further. It comes after the 2022 runners up went down to host nation USA in a Super Over decider last week and their most recent six run loss to India just the...

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