The Nation

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A local uncle has decided that christmas time is the perfect day to introduce his new lover, who just so happens to be a good three decades younger than him. Arriving hand in hand with a girl who was way out of his league, Dan Parker, 56, at least had the sense to have a slightly reporaochful look in...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The silly season is reaching its peak, it can be confirmed this afternoon.  This comes after a local Betoota Heights hedonist Ethan Banes decided to rip into another round of glass sandwiches, and get his car towed home from the pub.  “Yeah fuck it lol,” laughed the young man running on bacon and egg roles, schnitty’s, coffee and alcoholic beverages.  “I’ll...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT Stunning scenes this morning as a local woman, Chloe Champan was seen sporting a rushed updo in an attempt to get to her morning meeting on time. The hairstyle in question, known well to all her friends was bore a clear resemblance to the Sydney Harbour Bridge. As Chloe hurried through Sydney’s CBD, her towering...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news from Betoota Plains - mum and dad are going to be getting a juicy power bill in a few weeks time. This follows the return of the kids from the city for the Christmas and New Year break. While of course mum and dad are stoked to have them, and the kids are stoked...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact A ravenous mob of shareholders has today been cooed by the quick thinking of an up-and-coming finance worker from Betoota Grove’s Financial District. Asset management firm Whorburton Prevett’s (ASX:WPM) Annual Shareholder Meeting which happens once a year, is normally an amicable, joyous occasion for company employee and finance pig, Jamie Dretts (27). However, amidst volatile markets the value...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | Contact A local peacock has failed to improve his dating life today, after strutting about the Betoota Ponds Fitness First in a decaying High School Rugby jersey. The former Fly Half for the Betoota Mutttabuttasaurus, Tate Gordon (26), made the misguided decision in the hope of attracting some female attention and to remind everyone in town he...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The shores of Lake Betoota have become the battleground for the latest iteration of seasonal superiority from local man Evan Richards, who has moved on from being winter’s most insufferable puffer vest enthusiast to summer’s most inconsiderate beach cabana owner. Evan first made waves in the community during winter when he paraded around in a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A work Christmas Party in Betoota's Old City District is looking very likely to descend into hours of regrettable singalongs. The team at Betoota Central Dermatology in French Quarter have been treated to an ideal end of year celebration: a late lunch at a popular local Mediterranean fusion restaurant and bar. With nine employees, there is enough conversations to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A local Dad has today had to intervene to stop his youngest son from showcasing his full-blown financial illiteracy to the entire extended family. After returning home from 12 months in the mines up north, 19-year-old formworker Nathan Gibson has been splashing his cash. His father, Les, has been monitoring these high-rolling antics quite closely. Not only does he have...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Music streaming giant Spotify has today launched its annual Spotify Wrapped campaign for 2024. This means the platform's users are getting raw insights into their own, sometimes daunting, listening habits today. Marking its tenth anniversary in 2024, Spotify Wrapped provides users an exciting opportunity to see how the algorithmic patterns of AI-charged tech conglomerates have swayed their music taste over...