World News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has today made good on his promise to try and repair Australia's standing on the world stage. After a tough couple of years of trade wars and international roastings, the new Prime Minister has set off to Indonesia to attempt to strengthen ties with our northern neighbour - dressed in his finest kit. Although...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local Monarchist, Julie Petrie (57, Myer Perfume) has once again lashed out the shallow interests of her two daughters today, after overhearing yet another high-energy kitchen table conversation about Pete Davidson or Caitlyn Jenner or something like that. "Oohhh enough with the bloody Kardashians" scowls Julie, from the living room. "I don't understand why you girls worship that family. They...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Buckingham Palace is dealing with a PR bombshell this morning, after revelations emerged overnight about a notable figure's suspect behaviour. Less than a day after appearing in a cute video with the Queen for her Platinum Jubilee, Paddington Bear has been named in Jeffrey Epstein's flight logs. If you aren't a Royal enthusiast, the Queen proved 'a jolly...

CLYDE OVERELL III | Foreign Affairs | CONTACT Once again, America is on track to register more mass shootings than days in the calendar year, after a series of massacres dominate the headlines this week - forcing the media to choose which tragedy to cover based on the numbers of lives lost. While countries like Norway, Canada, Australia and New Zealand decided to ban semi-automatic...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Buckingham Palace photographers have today faced a mad scramble, after leaving an important job until the last minute. With the eve of Queen Elizabeth II's Platinum Jubilee arriving, the people in charge of photographing her have had to pull out all stops. In charge of creating the incredibly curated happy snaps for royal enthusiasts to enjoy, the photographers have...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has leaned into some schooner diplomacy this afternoon, mustering the courage to follow up with Joe Biden about launching the NRL season in Los Angeles. After knocking back several glass jars at the Henson Park Hotel in Marrickville, it’s believed Albo has added both American President Joe Biden and former Gladiator Russell Crowe...

Due to the nation’s controversial and oppressive gun restrictions, no one has died as a result of a mass-shooting from an automatic or semi-automatic weapon on Australian soil today, for the 9,523rd day in a row. North Betoota cinema attendant, Christina Upton can’t believe it has been a whole 26 years and 30 days since a heavily armed white Australian male...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In a world-first, a Random Souths Guy has been spotted at a huge international meeting today. The spotting of the infamous sporting character came at the Quad meeting in Tokyo. The Quadrilateral Security Dialogue is a group of four democratic countries (Australia, India, Japan and the United States), and is an organisation formed to try and create a free...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Defence Minister Peter Dutton has dragged the election news cycle away from his bumbling leader Scott Morrison today, by banging the drums of war and accusing China of an 'act of aggression'. According to intelligence officials, a Chinese naval ship has been tracked off the West Australian coast, which is definitely something that all Australians should keep in mind...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT An American citizen has this month revealed a sensational u-turn in regards to his position on personal freedom. Area man from some middle American state, Aaron Williams has explained to The Advocate that he is now no longer as passionate about people's rights as he was a year ago. This follows the leaking of a Supreme Court opinion...