World News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Scott Morrison has reportedly made a decision on whether he's going to personally attend the 2021 United Nations Climate Change Conference in Glasgow later this year. While it was speculated that the Prime Minister wanted to stay here in Australia for the rest of the year to coral the Nationals and receive second-hand praise when...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT While walking up the White House steps today, Scotty From Marketing has gone extra lengths to save to himself the embarrassment of being exposed as the revolving door leader of an inconsequential oceanic nation, by declaring his arrival at full volume in third person. "SCOTTY'S HERE!!!!" announced the Australian Prime Minister, hoping the President or at least some...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Lovers of good news stories have been left tentative this week as North Korea successfully tested long range missiles.  Over the weekend, North Korean long-range cruise missiles flew 1,500km before hitting their targets in their own territorial waters after approximately two years worth of development.  Although the hermit nation has been in a gridlock with the USA about denuclearisation, the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The prime minister, Scotty From Marketing, announced on Thursday morning that Australia would be paying $500 million dollars to rip up its multi-billion dollar submarine contract with the French - so that he can sign a new deal with the US and UK. For Scotty, It's a political play that kills two birds with one stone: 1, skipping...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT According to Scotty From Marketing's newest announcement aimed at drowning out the news that Christian Porter MP is paying his legal fees through a blind trust that has been topped up with millions of dollars by a faceless stranger who he has never met, Australia is getting eight cool new submarines! Yesterday it was announced that several cabinet...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Look out! There are some fighting words from across the ditch today! Following the news of a trilateral agreement between the UK, US, and Australia, our jealous neighbours who weren't included on the group call have hit out. The Prime Minister of New Zeland has revealed that Australian nuclear-powered submarines won't be allowed into Kiwi waters. "Let me be...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Betoota Dolphins 3rd Grade prop, Rick Chassis (37) has today laced up the ASICS and pounded them into the dirt track out the back of the Flight Path District golf course. After years of slowly adding layers to his dense husk, the local woodwork teacher has finally decided enough is enough, and is today starting his weight...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT MIXED MEDICAL ARTS: A local carnivore from Betoota's aspirational suburban wedge known as Betoota Heights has today gone quiet, for the next little while. 28-year-old construction manager, Jonno McAfferty says he's never really been opposed to any form of medicine, but due to the ten faithful years he has dedicated to listening to the Joe Rogan podcast -...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the final US evacuation flights leave Afghanistan, powerbrokers back home on US soil are already beginning to get to work. With the Taliban now given free rein to run their brutal regime without any cheques or balances, US arms dealers have begun enquiring about keeping the profits rolling. This comes as US President Joe Biden confirmed the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Hip hop fans around the world are struggling to function at full capacity today, following the long-awaited release of Kanye West's tenth studio album. Kanye dropped the 27-track "Donda," at 10pm AEST last night, it comes more than a month after its original release date. In the lead up to this release, he has hosted three enormous listening parties...