World News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Author of the best selling Harry Potter series and the gift that keeps on shitting, JK Rowling has made a shocking announcement that has sparked a heated debate amongst the Australian Harry Potter fandom. While shocking many, diehard Harry Potter fans claim they are not surprised, citing Rowling's transphobic tweet in late 2019 as evidence that she holds 'traditional',...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact Young media professional Rhyce Lukas has been on holidays in a remote tropical location for the past 2 weeks and according to his out of office reply, he won’t be able to reply to any emails because there’s no reception, so if it’s not urgent it’ll have to wait until January 20 when he’s back in the office. To...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT One significant roadblock to independence for Harry and Meghan has been removed today it can be confirmed. The Betoota Advocate can exclusively reveal, that $1.9 million issue of the Sussex's security detail has been solved by the purchase of a Pitbull named Tyson. The issue of protecting Harry, Meghan and Archie had been a sticking point for the breakup, with...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT As the Royal family deals with the damning allegations made by Harry and Meghan, Harry has since thickened the plot with a vague, passive-aggressive Facebook status. After the fallout from he and Meghan's interview with Oprah, the young father took to his shared Facebook account to vent. Aimed a someone who probably 'knows who they are,' the popular,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local Betoota Grove woman who hasn't ever been to England, and hasn't ever met an English person that she likes, is today spending a bizarre amount of energy worrying about what Meghan Markle is doing to the British Royals. This follows the boring news that The Duke and Duchess of Sussex did not consult the Queen or...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The rogue Royals have wasted little time finding their feet it can be confirmed today.  Less that 24 hours after announcing that they would be going out on their own and attempting to break away from the Royal purse, Harry and Meghan seem to have already found alternative sources of income. In a profound display of independence, Harry has enrolled...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT While, he isn't exactly looking forward to World War 3, Michael Davison says he's ready if need be. The full-time IT Manager for Betoota Municipal Council issued a profound statement as the world nervously watches the situation in the Middle East. Reports emerged this morning of a couple of rocket strikes in the Green Zone of Iraq's capital...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In a surprising announcement, a high-profile young family of welfare recipients have decided they would rather not be such a burden on the tax-payer. Harry Windsor and his wife Meghan have announced they plan to "step back" from their social security payments and work to become financially independent. Like any high-profile and volatile small-town couples with checkered pasts, the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A very very large majority of Planet Earth's occupants have today overwhelmingly made it clear that they would not like to send their young people to war again. As has been the case with the last couple world wars, everyone but the cranky old codgers in charge are more than aware that nothing good can come from this. Aside...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Travellers were left feeling quite amused today, as a bloke was seen boarding an international flight wearing ball hugging jeans. Gary ‘Gazza’ Thompson was unaware of this faux pas when he’d settled in for the long haul, and thought the weird looks were less to do with his attire, and more to do with his terrible singlet tan....