World News

BREAKING NEWS | CONTACT The British empire has enjoyed one last win today it can be confirmed. This comes after the English Rugby side beat the Wallabies 40-16. Unfortunately, the referees cannot really be blamed either.

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some breaking news out of Oita, the Japenese cult hero Bak San has just nailed his latest body paint jersey. The Japanese fan who has appeared at matches body painted in every single jersey at the tournament has today turned up in the South Sydney Rabbitohs jersey at the Wallabies game. As the Wallabies prepare to take...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact A Betoota Dolphin’s prop who is on his first international trip has this evening declared that he’s going to move to Japan, and he doesn’t give a fuck what any of you say. While not being able to speak a single word of Japanese, Timmy Brickly, fell head over heels in love with a part...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In some positive news for the President of The United States and the Prime Minister of Australia, military strategists and experts have today come to their defence on a recent foreign policy decision. This comes after the bold and breathtaking move that will definitely be looked upon favourably in the history books, whereby the United States has abandoned...

JAMIE HOTTAKE | Outrage | CONTACT I wish I didn’t have to write this article. I wish I didn’t have to make a case of basic human rights in *drumroll* 2019. I wish I didn’t have to look through the inevitable dump truck fire that is going to start in this comment section and feel increased rage at every bigot who disagrees with me...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT For the first time since he found himself on the losing end of two leadership spills in one week, The Minister Of Home Affairs has this week bitten off more than he can chew. The Minister in charge of incarcerating refugee toddlers who are losing their baby teeth due to lack of natural sunlight and poor nutrition, appears to...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Fans of drama get ready! After years of audience speculation, several world leaders have confirmed that a sequel to the iconic Great Depression of the 1930s is underway! A studio secret for years, the news of the highly unanticipated sequel came from US President Donald Trump who accidentally tweeted it when he was really trying to use Twitter to bully...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A new report has been released by the United Nations today, with one particular finding of note. The Liveability Report ranks cities and countries in terms of how desirable they are to live in, based upon a huge range of factors including wages, infrastructure, culture etc. While Melbourne was ranked somewhere near the top (despite the fact people are...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact In an exclusive interview with The Advocate, Japanese Prime Minister, Shinzo Abe, has opened up about his biggest regret in his time as the head of the Japanese government. The revelation has emerged off the back of the current Rugby World Cup, an event that the Japanese have been preparing tirelessly for, and the very same event that the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A young Wallabies fan touring Japan has had a shocking thought today. Sipping upon a 9% Strong Zero, a popular drink made from shochu that he purchased from a humble little store on a train platform, the young man shuddered trying to imagine what would happen if this shit was allowed back home. Flying through the Japanese countryside...