World News

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite the millions of dollars spent on endless inquiries into the institutional failings that have let down our most vulnerable returned servicemen since the Vietnam war, it can once again be confirmed that the Department Of Veteran Affairs is just as shithouse as it was 50 years ago. In fact, recent statistics make the songs of Jimmy Barnes sound...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The island republic of Tasmania is kicking 2024 off with a bang, it can be confirmed today. In a turn of events that few would have ever predicted, 97 percent of Tasmanians are now directly in line to the Danish throne. This comes after Princess Mary became Queen Mary overnight - with her husband Frederik becoming the King...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Anthony Albanese has today joined the Prime Ministers of New Zealand and Canada in a joint statement calling for a sustainable ceasefire in the Gaza Strip and an end to the “continuous suffering” of its citizens. This comes after two months of hot death and horror and on the Gaza strip, with health authorities estimating that Israel’s offensive has...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After launching a record-shattering global tour and becoming the world's most-streamed musical artist of the year, Taylor Swift has been named as Time Magazine's "Person of the Year". Taylor Swift joins the likes of Mahatma Gandhi (1930) Martin Luther King Jr. (1963) Angela Merkel (2015) and 92 other high-profile global figures that have changed the course of history with...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some news that nobody on the face of the earth saw coming, it's been revealed that Henry Kissinger was a massive fan of Australian EDM duo Bombs Away. The family of the former Nobel Peace Price winning war criminal have confirmed to The Advocate that the US Diplomat used to actually love the Aussie party boys who broke...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Tributes are today pouring in for one of the titans of modern history, Doctor Henry Kissinger. The former US National Security Advisor and Secretary of State passed away yesterday afternoon Australian time, leaving behind a legacy of millions of deaths and hundreds of millions of lives ruined by his aggressive pursuit of America's Imperial interests - as well...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The man behind a swathe of classic and well loved movies has this year wasted a significant chunk of time. Ridley Scott has just spent months and months (and lots of other people's money) making a fancy new Napoleon movie, that simply won't live up to the one and only Napoleon movie. The man responsible for films like...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT Hip-hop icon Snoop Dogg has reportedly embarked on the production of a grunge album, blaming the creative decision on unexpected mood swings resulting from a temporary withdrawal from cannabis. Known globally for his love for marijuana, Snoop Dogg's decision to take a brief hiatus from his traditional west coast sound was met with shock and disbelief from fans. However,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some news from one of India's largest cities, a bunch of convicts have managed to win something quite significant. At roughly 2am this morning Betoota time, a bunch of loosers (sic) won an important game of cricket in Ahmedabad. The game of cricket in question was the final of the ODI World Cup, with 48 matches of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Australian Ambassador to Scandinavia's South Australia has taken the phone off the hook this afternoon because the Danish Government is refusing to back down over the naming rights of Danish Feta. The correct term, according to Denmark, is Danish-style feta for any food stuff made outside their borders. However, businesses and regulatory bodies around...