CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACT
With a Federal election looming, Canberra is a buzz with frantic deal-making, cut-throat campaigning, and MPs making rare but timely appearances in their electorates.
However, one particular New England MP is blissfully unaware an election is even around the corner.
Barnaby Joyce, the red-faced charlatan, rarely seen without his Akubra and more familiar with a footpath in Canberra than Parliament House was recently stumped at a Tamworth pub when our reporter asked for his thoughts on the upcoming election.
“Election….what bloody election??!! I didn’t know we were having one, it’s the Labor party, always trying to pull the wool over our eyes. You know I will vow to defend my people, from those city slickers, I will do what I can to keep New England great. Typical Labor, always trying to sneak one past hardworking Australians. Let me tell you, I will fight tooth and nail for Tamworth, for Armidale, for Inverell – for every bloke and sheila trying to get on with their bloody life without some Canberra bureaucrat getting in the way! It’s always the same story with Labor, more red tape and more taxes. I’M NOT A MORON, I know what they’re trying to do. I will continue to fight for our regions and the real hardworking Australians. I’m sick of these latte-sipping folk from Sydney and Melbourne, telling us what to do!”
Although Barnaby doesn’t need to work too hard to retain New England. The electorate is National Party heartland; a seat so safe Keith Urban’s choppy bob with blonde highlights could run for the Nats and still get in.
Despite the favourable odds, Barnaby continued to squabble, growing increasingly red.
