WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
In some breaking news out of the northern tablelands of NSW, it can be confirmed this afternoon that Barnaby Joyce is in fact considering working on some policy over the next couple of years.
Returning as the Member for New England off the back of overwhelming support from the electorate, the former leader of The Nationals says he going to come up with a few gems this term.
Speaking exclusively with The Advocate today, Joyce assured us that he definitely won’t spend the immediate future figuring out to politically assassinate the current Deputy Prime Minister Michael McCormack.
“No way, Michael has my full support, and I back the bloke one hundred percent,” said Joyce containing his attempts to burst into laughter.
“I don’t want the top job ever again, I’m just here to work hard for my constituents and work up policy that makes Australia a better place,” he said.
“I’m going to figure out a way to fix the Murray Darling basin plan and all of the issues around water buybacks, irrigation rights, and the long term sustainability of the basin.”
“Oh no, that’s right, I can’t do that actually,” explained the Member for an electorate that regularly battles crippling droughts.
“Given all that stuff you know.”
Joyce then paused.
“Given the more frequent and increasing nature of drastic weather events that affect the economic viability of our electorate and farmers ability to sustainably generate income in the bush, I’ll start working on a policy to help deal with that,”
“Fuck,”
“I can’t do that either my hands are tied on that on too,” he said referencing his party’s stance on climate change and caring for the environment.
“I’ll get some funding for a new fucking Skate Park down in South Tamworth alright.”
“Maybe I’ll come up with some other stuff too.”
“This is the time for policy. 2016 was Johnny Depp, 2017 was the dual-citizenship, 2018 was the baby mama drama…”
“2019 will be the real deal. Just you watch!”
