WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
The Opposition Leader, and nation’s number one Big Bang Theory fan Bill Shorten has today asked his staffers if he could please stretch his legs.
The leader of the Labor party, who has spent the last 8 days since Parliament wrapped up in isolation, pleaded with his PR team to let him outside to play for a little while.
Shorten asked his babysitters earlier this afternoon if it would be possible for them to let him out of the room he has been locked in for over a week now, to go and have a run around.
“Please, I won’t say anything to anyone or do anything,” Shorten asked the union heavies watching over him nonchalantly while they punted on some random Victorian races on their phones.
“I swear I won’t go for a run. I’ll literally just run on the spot in the backyard for a while and then come back in here,” Shorten begged to no avail.
“I’ve watched every season of BBT twice since I’ve been there and I’m not even giggling at every Bazinga joke Sheldon makes anymore.”
It’s believed Shorten’s pleas fell on deaf ears, as his PR team explained to The Advocate that they just can’t risk letting him out in public.
“I’d give anything to go back in time and stop Kevin (Rudd) from implementing the leadership laws in the Labor Party,” said the head of the PR team.
“But I can’t, and Bill is our leader.”
“The Coalition are doing their best to wipe themselves out”
“And we can’t let Bill fuck it up, so we need to keep him down here for a while.”
“Anyway my shift starts now, so I’ve gotta go down and sit with him for a few hours.”
More to come.
