LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact
After accidentally identifying one of his own MPs as a khunt during a press conference, job-sharing PM Scott Morrison seems to have discovered a new found love for stand up.
Scotty’s new passion was on display today as he returned to the mic to see if he could land some new gear about women and how they like to shop.
“We are announcing a stimulus for all women. It’s a $50 ASOS voucher for every woman,” smirked Mr Morrison, pronouncing the name of online clothing shop ASOS with a hard ‘r’ so it sounded like he was saying ‘arse-oss.’
“Clover Moore is already figuring out what padded jacket she’s going to buy!”
“Ha!…c’mon.”
As the press were not quite sure how to react, Mr Morrison was seen reshuffling his pages of Monster Energy stained jokes in search of better material although some Murdoch reporters assert he might have been looking for a solution to sexism in there too.
“AHA! Jenny wanted to go somewhere new for dinner the other night so I took her to the kitchen. Ha?”
“Ah, sh- I can’t read my handwriting, just wait.”
“Something about the dead chimp at Sydney Zoo polling better than Albo, something like that…”
As the press gallery sat in stunned silence, it is believed Mr Morrison realised he was bombing and immediately began crowd work despite contrary advice from professionals.
“And who do you write for? The ABC? Ha! He writes for the ABC everyone”
“And you? Newscorp. Well then-ah, thank you for your service to this country.”
“Oooh oh! Wait I got one! Show of hands?”
