CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
After 9 years of ridiculing scientists and hiding all research surrounding alarming climate change trends, the Federal Government has declared they have a plan to reach net zero emissions by 2050.
Just 48 hours before he boards a flight to Glasgow, Scotty From Marketing and the Energy minister Angus Taylor used the word “plan” up to 100 times in a press conference yesterday, without ever revealing what that plan is – while also refusing to legislating said plan.
On the same day that voter polls showed a record-breaking distrust in this current leadership, the Prime Minister did his best to earn the confidence of Australians by waving a pamphlet with a photo of himself on it, before rattling off an extremely vague roadmap that will apparently cut emissions to a level he promised we would never cut emissions to in the lead up to the last election.
Scotty and Angus have simply said that we will achieve net zero with unidentified “further technological breakthroughs” and “Global technology trends”.
Even without any concrete targets, this soft commitment to joining the rest of the world in taking action against climate change is a remarkable turn-around for a Prime Minister who only 18 months ago told voters that the introduction of electric cars would ‘end the weekend’ because they couldn’t tow a boat.
With absolutely no plan to rein in the accelerating coal and gas billionaires that are our government has enslaved themselves to, Scotty has instead announced that reaching net zero relies on technology that is yet to exist.
This is an interesting ‘plan’ for a government that has spent the last 9 years slashing funding to universities and the CSIRO.
“Yeah, ummm” said Morrison.
“So basically we are gonna cut like 25% of emissions from Agriculture. However the fuck we do that”
“Maybe shoot some cows I dunno”
“But yeah. I just wanna assure the fossil fuels sector that we won’t be doing anything to hinder their unbridled and tax-free vandalism of regional Australia”
“So yeah, between now and 2050, we reckon there will be heaps of technology that we’ll be able to include in this plan that we refuse to make a law”
When asked who would be inventing this technology, given the face the Liberal Party has spent the last decade gutting funding to smart people, Scotty said “I dunno. Maybe Elon has got something in the works”
“Who’s that dude with the beard from Atlassian? Maybe he can pull his finger out”
