LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Holding on to the power to call an election like a weeping toddler being told to put the plastic lightsaber back on the Big W shelf, many Australians are wondering what Scotty’s defining achievement will be from his alleged time as Prime Minister.
Although there is no assurance that Scotty will lose his job when it comes time to vote, the fact he has been trying his hand at a few blue-collar jobs suggests he might be planning for a career change, which may well be what he wants as these natural disasters aren’t going anywhere and international travel is on the cards again.
For this reason, Scotty and many other Australians with an existence that feels as equally pointless are examining his decades-long three-and-a-half years as PM, and have come to the conclusion that a few home-cooked curries might actually be his greatest achievement.
“It would have been the religious freedom bill had he been able to get the support from the ALP and his own party,” states Betoota politics writer Amy Goodwin.
“It also could have been deporting the Murugappan family of Biloela but he didn’t quite manage that. Plus everyone knows that has Dutton’s printless fingers all over it.”
“Until last week you could have said it was being the first Hillsong Prime Minister but he’s even denying that now as well so I think his curry cooking Bradbury’s this one.”
During his time in-office, Scotty has periodically been known to post the odd selfie wherein he is cooking a curry, occasionally on a BBQ because that’s normal human behaviour.
“I think he was trying to appeal to South Asian voters but he didn’t want to alienate white Aussies so he thought ‘I’ll cook it on the barbie then!’”
“Then we learnt that of course they have an in-house chef at Kirribilli so every time he made a curry himself he was essentially putting an Aussie out of a job.”
“It’s hard enough to think of a thing he’s done in office. Trying to think of a good thing he’s done is basically like trying to get blood out of a self commissioned trophy of a boat that celebrates your violation of human rights.”
