ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Moderate faction of the Liberal Party has reportedly declined an invitation to the Right faction’s annual Scotch and Cigar Night, held at Paul Murray’s Slam Pad on the Kingston Foreshore.
The event, scheduled for 8 PM on March 1st, promises an evening of “top-shelf pours, premium smokes, and robust debate”—or, more accurately, a roomful of blokes trying to outdo each other with their best Churchill impressions while pretending not to cough. However, it seems the Moderates have other plans, possibly anything else.
“We appreciate the invitation, but it’s just not our scene,” said Bridget Archer, the Member for Bass.
“We [Moderates] are actually off to Clonakilla that night. More our scene, really. Wine, a bit of cheese. Simon Birmingham singing show tunes.”
Sussan Ley, Deputy Leader of the Liberal Party and Member for Farrer, echoed Archer’s sentiments.
“I have been, once. That was enough. Like going to Wentworth in my electorate. Once is enough.”
The Right faction, led by Opposition Leader Peter Dutton, expressed disappointment at the Moderates’ absence.
“It’s a shame they won’t join us,” Dutton remarked.
“There’s nothing like a good Scotch to bring people together. I look forward to it each night. We also like watching the Nationals partake in a bit of Scottish yoga, which the position they inevitably pass out in.”
Political commentator Paul Murray, host of Paul Murray Live on Sky News, who lent his name to the venue, was unfazed by the snub.
“More cigars for us,” he said, winkining.
He then launched into monologue about how the real problem in Australia is too many latte-drinking elites like this masthead’s editor Clancy Overell who don’t know the pleasure of a nice pre-chewed Montecristo and good shoulder rub.
More to come.
