ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Nationals are said to be dismayed with their spot in the Coalition Centipede heading into next year’s election with the party leader David Littleproud telling The Advocate it won’t work as it stands.
At the moment, the Nationals are in fourth spot behind the Murdoch Family, Gina Rinehart and Peter Dutton. Eating the fourth-hand faeces from the National’s anus is Sky News and lastly, Pauline Hanson at the end. The people who eat that are the people who vote for her.
Regardless of that, Nationals leader David Littleproud said his party is far more critical to the national conversation that eating Peter Dutton’s poo.
“Yeah look, I think we should be at least sewn to the same butthole,” he said.
“You know, like a dual system exhaust. I mean, we both have to file in behind Gina because she writes a lot of cheques. But I reckon Sky News feeds off of what we poo out, and Pauline takes what Sky News poos out and calls press conferences to talk about it. Or she just gets up in the Senate and repeats something she heard. Well, actually, she just does what James Ashby tells her to do [laughs],”
“But yeah, mate, look, I’m not afraid to blow this Coalition up over this. I’m sick of having to shuffle in behind these self-righteous city boys and being behind them on the centipede is beyond the pale. Don’t blame Andrew Gee, actually, fuck it, why not? But yeah mate, as your local member, we’re not going to cop this. There should be a pipe, of equal diameter, from Gina to both Peter and the Nationals. I will fight for that.”
The Advocate spoke briefly to the Office of the Opposition Leader, who said Peter is being put forward as a personality to distance himself from the Liberal brand that is still struggling to shake off the dust of Scott Morrison.
“Peter, or Petey as we call him around the office, and the Liberal team, are very happy with their position on the centipede. He has been proudly consuming what the Rineharts and Murdochs have already digested. Even when there’s a dozen or so oysters thrown in or a Grand Angus meal,” said a Liberal spokesperson.
“We look forward to working with our partners heading into the election. As a token of good faith, Petey has asked all Coalition MPs to remove their pronouns from their email signatures. We are moving forward as a united team, with a goal of putting Albo in Copacabana by Easter.”
More to come.
