LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Op-Shoppers at Butler Vinnies were treated to a surprise visit from the countries’ trendiest disgraced politician Christian Porter, who appeared at the store with several bin bags full of clothes he was willing to donate.
According to witnesses, the Attorney General seemed cheerful and unphased by the well documented sexual assault allegations, which he denies and refuses to answer any questions in regards too.
Although Porter walked in to the store with seven bags of his second hand clothes, Paid Leave Porter then went to the effort to leave the shop with the bags and dump them outside at the foot of the donations bin, in the rain.
Following Porter’s dumping of second hand goods, the stores volunteer staff rushed outside to collect his donations, receiving an unprompted tour of the bag’s contents.
Leaving the store, Porter ushered our reporting team back to his home where at a desk cluttered with empty UDL cans he played a TikTok video he had made featuring him dousing the bags of clothes with bed lice before taking it to the store.
“I had to order them especially on the dark web, if you noobs even know what that is.”
“Can you imagine if someone actually buys one of my old Iron Sheik tees and puts it on? They are going to be fucked! They are probably going to have to burn their skin and move house!”
